I don’t blame her. Sex after giving birth IS a forgotten fantasy! While her man swings from the balcony in sexual frustration, she feigns sleep, complains of a headache or sleeps with the baby. What happened to her va-va-voom? Her vivacious, sexy naughtiness? Her desire to please him?
The adage ‘when a baby goes in it feels like a banana – and comes out like a pineapple’ is not far off the mark! Just think about it – organs of sexual pleasure become associated with pain, bleeding, bruising and black-jack stitches after birth! Double-D breasts feel hot, hard and heavy. Cracked nipples burn, burn, burn. Whenever you want to shower or bath to make yourself feel good, your baby wails for another feed! Life for a new mom can be a nightmarish. Sex is the last thing on her mind!
Men can also feel awkward about sex. When will you be able to make love again? What if he hurts you? What if the baby wakes up? What if you get pregnant again?
Women need a break after having a baby and this is where I agree with traditional African customs where the women and children have their own hut, and women stay with her mother-in-law for the first few months after giving birth!
The rule of thumb is that couples have the go-ahead to have sex once she has had her post-natal check-up. At this visit, the doctor checks healed episiotomy cuts or any other vaginal lacerations, and recommends a contraceptive. Breastfeeding women are advised to use either a condom or the mini-pill (POP or progesterone only pill) so that synthetic hormones don’t upset her breastfeeding hormones.
I suggest preparing something special to ‘celebrate’ and get yourself into the mood – candles, low lights, soft music and champagne. Take it slow and easy starting with an all-over body massage. Talk to each other so that you know how you feel. Do what comes naturally. Take baby-steps back into your love-life. There’s no need to rush!
Choosing a contraceptive is personal. Discuss options with your doctor. Besides chemicals (pills, injections, rods and ‘patches’) and ‘barrier methods’ – condoms, caps and the IUCD (intrauterine contraceptive device) there are natural methods called LAM - Lactation Amenorrhoea Method or NFP (Natural Family Planning). Google these for more information.
Couples who are confident that their family is complete can choose sterilisation. For women this means cutting and tying off her fallopian tubes. For a man, a small snip into the scrotal sac to cut and tie the ‘vas’ so that sperm are not ejaculated with seminal fluid. Sterilisation does not interfere with periods and neither does it affect erections or ejaculations. It is a major decision however, and should be thoroughly researched because reversing the procedure is not that simple!
