Dealing
with teenagers
I enjoy reading the Pajama Diaries in our daily
newspaper. They remind us to look on the funny side of life with teenagers.
And, teenagers aren’t always the
easiest people to get on with. Called ‘hormonal tinderboxes’, they have
emotional highs and lows with outbursts of rage and apathy, so you’re never
quite sure where you stand with them. You also have to treat them with
kit-gloves when they’re feeling self-conscious, insecure and withdrawn. Teenagers
can come across as aggressive, rebellious under-achievers, but under that hard
exterior, they’re as soft as putty!
The
best way to deal with a teenager is to understand their needs.
Growth spurts:
Teenagers are growing at an
alarming rate and using up extra energy doing sports and schoolwork. This is
mostly because they’re producing more serotonin than usual. In my experience,
teenage boys are always hungry, and they’re grumpy and unreasonable when they
are. Girls on the other hand, are figure conscious but can’t help binging when
they have period cravings. I suggest you stock up the grocery cupboards and
fridge with carbohydrates and protein-rich foods rather than sugars and fats.
Interest in sex:
During puberty, the ovaries and testicles
pour oestrogen and testosterone into the bloodstream. This not only initiates
and maintains body changes – mostly to their reproductive systems – these
hormones also send messages to the pituitary gland in the brain that in turn,
sends a series of reproductive hormones back the gonads (ovaries and testicles)
telling them what to do.
Naturally, this gives them an
appetite for the opposite sex. Don’t leave telling your teenager about the do’s
and the don’t when it comes to sex to the school sex-ed. classes, the church
youth-group, magazines or the internet. Answer their questions honestly.
They’re seriously not interested in your sex life – they only want
to know what’s happening to them.
Image:
Today, it’s all about image and
money, money, money – which parents don’t always have. You may not be able to
buy your teen the trendiest clothes or popular brand labels, but you can teach
them that it’s not what you wear, but how
you wear it that counts.
Self-confidence begins with
grooming – something that boys don’t think much about and girls take very
seriously. You will have to dig deeper into your pocket when it comes to
essential toiletries. Girls need sanitary pads and tampons, hair-removal kits,
manicure sets, quality shampoo and hair conditioners. Boys need shaving gear
and deodorant – even when they tell you they don’t. Teenagers soon learn that
when you feel good, you look good – and visa-versa!
Friends:
Parents often feel snubbed when
teenagers prefer spending time with their friends rather than with family.
It’s an independence struggle and parents have to learn to let go – while
keeping a ‘third eye’ on who their friends are, where they’re going and what
they’re up to. Boys will come home when they’re hungry and a bonus is that when
the food is good at home, they’ll bring their friends. Girls may
object on the surface when (especially their fathers) insist on meeting their
latest boyfriend and interrogating his intent before going on a date – but
secretly this makes her secure because it shows that her parents care!
Boosting your teenager’s confidence:
- Giving your teenager responsibilities around the house and for the family may bring on objections, but it will make your teenager feel an important part of the family (especially when these come with financial rewards).
- Love your teenager unconditionally, but never show this affection in public!
- Show an interest in what’s happening in your teenagers’ life without interfering.
- Get your teenager involved when deciding the family rules.
- As difficult as it is to let go, it’s only fair to allow your teenager to become independent. S/he will behave responsibly when you say “I know you will do the right thing”!
How to do this:
Make time for family meals. Sit
around the table together, switch off the TV and TALK!
Stick to routine
Teenagers diurnal rhythm changes
and they prefer going to bed much later – but keep bed time consistent and week
nights for homework and school projects
Make their friends feel welcome
Learn to walk away when the situation
looks like it’s getting out of control. Somebody has to be the adult – and
that’s inevitably you!
