Teach
your kids to be tough
When I pass from this world to the
next, one thing I would like my kids to say about me is: “Mom taught us to be
tough.” Teaching my kids to stand up for themselves as one of the hardest
things I ever had to do. I wanted to wrap my babies in cotton
wool and look after them forever. I wanted to be with them on every bus ride, every
school outing, and every birthday party. I wanted to make sure they were not
bullied, that their teachers were fair, and they stayed out of the principal’s
office.
A tall order when there were five!
Oh, those sleepless nights when
they were teenagers! How I wanted to be a fly on the wall or to buzz like a bee
around their heads everywhere they went. But they each stood precariously on
the edge of the nest and I urged them to fly away and make a life for
themselves. Off they flew, one by one – New York, London, Cape Town, Germany,
Amsterdam – and I prayed that they were tough enough to survive the storms that
lay ahead, of which I have no control.
Of course, you want to walk your
pre-schooler to the classroom, but you have to stop doing this when they go to ‘big’
school. When they get to double-digits, they want to explore and be seen by
their friends without parental entourage! Tweens need to have adventures on
their own to build-up confidence, risk falling, getting lost and even finding
themselves in trouble with the grumpy old man at the end of the street for
climbing over his fence and stealing pomegranates from his tree. Children need
to learn to trust their instincts – how can they do this if you’re always there
telling them to be careful, to look out, and saying ‘don’t’. Their conscious
needs to tell them these things when they’re teenagers – because that’s when
the BIG test comes – for you and for them!
Some children need a gentle push,
others need a rope to haul them back in. Siblings balance one another – where
one is cautious the other throws caution to the wind. Parents need to know when to intervene and
when to stay out of it. The best advice I can give is to communicate with
your children. Body language is their biggest give-away. Trust your instincts.
When they tell you something is wrong, it usually is. This is a built-in
parenting instinct we all have – thanks to our parents who taught us to be
tough.
On second thoughts, I would like my
children to say: “Mom was tough on us, but she loved us with all her heart.”
