Start a new hobby today

Let’s knit

Last week I went to see my Lupus specialist and I told her that I have found the perfect antidote to depression. People living with chronic illnesses tend to get overwhelmed by the side-effects – pain, sleeplessness, lethargy, anxiety – and these make everyday chores a challenge.

“What is it?” she asked me.

I told her that it was knitting.

“Knitting?”

I had her interest.

“Yes,” I said. “I get up before sunrise to pick up my knitting or crocheting where I left off the evening before. I enjoy following patterns I find on Pinterest and making gifts that are different. I also find it relaxing and while my hands are busy, my brain is putting my day into order. After an hour or so, I’m motivated and ready to face the day – and not focused on pain or anxious about what I can’t do. I’m ready to do what I can do.”

Later that day I found myself in the pharmacy queue. My sticker number was 498. The pharmacy was wall-to-wall of outpatients waiting for medicines. I was sitting next to a young woman from Zimbabwe and when I took out my knitting, she showed an interest in what I was doing. I asked her if she would like to learn. When she said yes, and I took out an extra pair of needles and wool to show her. She was also left-handed, so every stitch had to be worked the other way around – if you know what I mean. We became engrossed in the knitting we were oblivious to the people around us – who were watching with interest. Very soon they joined in with encouraging words (South Africans are amazing social people). It was a perfect ice-breaker and soon everyone was talking to the person next to them. By the time we were called for our medicines (3 hours later) we were friends, and said our goodbye’s as though we had known one another for years!

It’s a ‘human-condition’ to need to feel part of society. To feel wanted. To create. To change. To conquer challenges and face our fears fearlessly. Achieving this has to come from within. It happens when life has purpose.  People who are unemployed – or unemployable – have some skill they can turn into a hobby that can even bring in a small income. If you’re lucky enough, making something for somebody else gives you the joy of giving it away.

Start a hobby today.

    

Quotes for parents

Parenting Quotes

Many years ago, I started an anthology of good books, commendable authors and quotable quotes. Today these notes are invaluable for my writing. Here are some parenting quotes you may enjoy.

“Parenthood turns out to be a very important period for consolidating identity and for expanding maturity” – Jean MacFarlane

“Parenthood brings out the better side of people” – the Foundation for Child Development

 “If it was going to be easy to raise kids, it never would have started with something called labour” – Scott M Peck

 “The amount of richness that children can bring into the lives of their parents is indescribable” – John Clever

 “The most forceful motivation of active fatherhood has been the voice of feminism” – Robert Coleman

 “Good parenting is not done by formula” – Jerome Kagin

 “Surrendering to motherhood means surrendering to interruption” – Erica Jong

 “A mother’s interaction with her children – enveloping, secure, modulated and controlled. More cooing and playing verbal games. Father is playful, exciting, physical” – Vance Packard

 “We had a mother to answer to. We loved her profoundly, and our driving force was to do what she wanted because we knew how much it meant to her” – James Cagney

 “Fathers who are more available to their children than average, who are nurturers, accepting and serve as active teachers, tend to have children who excel in school” – Vance Packard

Why breastfeeding is bestfeeding

Amazing sugars in breastmilk

International Breastfeeding Week (1 – 7^th August) has come and gone. Apologies for not posting something sooner, but here goes …

Before getting pregnant or giving birth, the thought of breastfeeding can be very alien. During pregnancy however, the physical and emotional connections with your unborn breaks down barriers so that by the time you hold your baby for the first time, it’s just the most natural thing in the world to nuzzle him to your breast and breastfeed. Your baby’s instincts help him to target your nipple and you don’t need to teach new-born’s how to suck. Once breastfeeding is established your breasts fill regularly and it’s a relief when your baby empties them for you.

Not all women want to breastfeed. In my ante-natal classes I remember one mom who was adamant she wasn’t going to breastfeed because she didn’t like wearing a bra and having heavy, uncomfortable breasts. She was trendy woman who wore stylish clothes made by her dressmaker.

At one class, when I was giving moms the chance to listen to their baby’s heartbeat with my stethoscope, and showing them where to feel for baby’s head, this mom made an announcement.

“If you tell me this baby is a girl, I’ll breastfeed.” (She had three boys).

“It’s a girl,” I said. I was right, and true to her word, mom breastfed her daughter for more than a year!

Before you have your baby, or if you’re already breastfeeding, you’ll read every article about the topic you can possibly lay your hands on. It’s important to do this so that you can deal with problems when they arise, and keep motivated not to stop breastfeeding when things get tough.

I’m sure you’ve read about the numerous benefits of breastfeeding, but to recap here are just a few:

• Breastfeeding helps to protect your baby from infectious illnesses because it’s alive with natural antibodies. These literally ‘immunise’ your baby.
• New research from scientists at Vanderbilt University in Nashville, TN, have found that the carbohydrates (natural sugars) in breastmilk could work against biofilms. In other words, they’re part of the ‘antimicrobial protection brigade’ for babies and could reduce the need for commonly prescribed antibiotics. In particular, the journal of Infectious Diseases reported, the sugars in breastmilk have the potential to protect against group B strep infections.
• Group B infections can cause severe illness in new-borns (called early onset) or babies older than three months (late onset). Some of these are sepsis (infection of the blood) pneumonia or meningitis. Real nasties.
• Breastmilk lines the gut and helps to prevent allergies.
• Breastmilk (especially the first milk called colostrum) is a natural laxative. Breastfed babies don’t get constipated.
• Breastmilk removes waste e.g. bilirubin and helps to prevent ‘baby-jaundice’.
• Breastmilk is always the right amount, at the ideal temperature and perfect formula. Breastmilk changes as your baby grows and his nutritional needs change. Colostrum, the first milk, is like condensed milk it’s so rich and creamy. Mature milk is very creamy. As your baby gets older, the ‘foremilk’ or first-milk is watery and satisfies baby’s thirst. When mom’s hormones gear into action, the hind-milk is the creamy milk that satisfies baby’s appetite. The first breast is the first course, second breast, a top-up ‘dessert’ feed.

Benefits for mom:

Breastfeeding is oh, so convenient – and economical. It also comes in reusable, multi-purpose containers. Good for the environment!

Here’s a biggie. Breastfeeding burns 1,000 calories a day and helps mom lose pregnancy weight with very little effort and amazing rewards.

Recommended reading: The Motherly Art of Breastfeeding by La Leche League. Read it like a novel.

Cherish this time with your children

Don’t give up and lose the chance

I enjoyed baking last Saturday. I made muffins, a sponge-cake, biscuits and cheese-puffs. But there were two things missing: my Kenwood ‘chef’ (the motor burned out – not surprisingly after 40 years hard work) and my kids. When they were small, I used to wait until they were all otherwise occupied, then I would sneak into the kitchen to bake – but as soon as they heard the whirring of the mixer, they scrambled into the kitchen with their chairs to ‘help’ me.

They vied to spoon in the flour, break the eggs and measure the vanilla essence. Mostly they fought over ‘licking the bowl’ that was divided into quarters so there was no fighting – which there invariably was. Back then I longed for the day when I could ‘do my own thing’. Now that the kids have all left the coop (and are probably longing for peace and quiet of their own) I have the liberty (well sort of …) to do my own thing.

Bringing up children is hugely sacrificial. Time, money, ‘space’, sleep and privacy don’t belong to you anymore. You have no choice but to share these with your family. Everything you do, from the time you open your eyes in the morning till you flop exhausted into your bed at night, is for your kids.

But he rewards are out of this world. They make every sacrifice worthwhile.

Here’s a poem I found in my diary, written by my daughter when she was a teenager.

Say something, picture it as a marathon

Keep it to yourself, and once your plan is in action

Share it with the one who shows an interest in your progress.

Love

Devotion

Feelings

Emotion.

Don’t be afraid to be weak

Don’t be too proud to be strong

Just look into yourself and seek

And if the return to yourself is the return of who you are,

That’s OK.

If you want to laugh

Or if you need to cry

Just believe in yourself

Believe and don’t deny

Don’t care what people say

Just follow your heart

Don’t give up and lose the chance.

My advice to all you mom’s out there? Cherish every moment with your children, listen to what they have to say, laugh with them and enjoy discovering the world around them, with them. Hold onto memory jolters – their scribbles, drawings and photographs. These will be as rare and precious as diamonds one day, that I can promise you.

Teaching your children the basics of life-skills

Why I never learned to play tennis

I remember my first tennis lesson in junior primary. There I was two-feet-and-a-tickey high standing on the tennis court with an enormous heavy wooden tennis racket in my hand. When we were told to swing our rackets, mine was so big and cumbersome, it just hit the ground with a thud and I could hardly lift it to hit the ball.

This was the early 60’s when tennis rackets were made of solid wood. The one I was holding belonged to my dad. Looking back, this was probably because:

1. I remembered we had to bring a tennis racket to school just before leaving that morning
2. My parents knew that I had no ball-coordination or interest in sport, and would never make a tennis player
3. Baby number four had just arrived and there was no time or money for extras
4. All of the above.

Sometimes we expect our children to be little adults – to be responsible and to remember things that we think are important. But they have other things on their minds and children are easily distracted. They live for the here and now and don’t anticipate or prepare for tomorrow.

These skills take a lifetime to learn – sometimes even adults don’t get them right.

How can we teach our children the basics?

• Give them a daily age-appropriate responsibility – like taking out the trash, brushing the dog, setting the table or bringing in the post
• Allow them to do things when they ask to – like washing the dishes or feeding the dog. Hover in the background to keep an eye on things
• Give them little projects – the Crazy Store or other craft shops have reasonably priced ‘I-made-it-myself’ kits
• Teach them to follow-through and keep working to the end of every project they start
• Let them help you with cleaning and baking
• Keep their toys in plastic containers that are easy to pack away when they’re finished playing. This can even help with mathematical skills by packing their toys into categories
• Let your children play creative games – have paper and crayons, a dressing-up box, blankets and cardboard boxes available to stimulate their imaginations
• Give them the freedom to climb trees, play in the sand, make-up a puppet-show, start a band or give you a concert
• When they get older, teach your children to mind-map and to write to-do lists
• Encourage them with deserved praise – children love compliments!