Some callers suggested that she should have gone to a ‘sperm bank’ but most agreed that she should leave the guy. Nobody however, addressed the real issue: why did she fall in love with him in the first place?
When a couple make love, the pleasure they enjoy from having sex also comes from the brain. Va-va-voom is made by hormones like dopamine, oxytocin and vasopressin. It’s these hormones that keep a couple together and coming back for more! Dopamine is the ‘happiness hormone’, oxytocin is the ‘love hormone’ and vasopressin is the ‘protection hormone’.
These hormones come from the ‘limbic’ system of the brain otherwise known as the ‘emotional centre’. This part of the brain is described by Lesley Kenton in her book ‘Passages to Power’ as “the most primitive part of the brain that deals with emotions and our sense of smell, with passion and all the unconscious interfaces that take place between mind and body.”
Dopamine is the ‘feel good’ hormone that is secreted when we do something exciting or rewarding. When dopamine is secreted during sex, it creates the desire to do it again. This is because for a woman to get pregnant, she needs to have sex often. Oxytocin creates the desire in both men and women to have sex and oxytocin helps them to bond – in other words, fall in love. Falling in love is also important for the survival of the baby that comes from this union because a baby needs a mother and a father who love each other. If couples love each other, they will love their child!
Finally vasopressin in men is what oxytocin is to women. This hormone, besides bonding him to his sexual partner, has other important functions such as controlling blood pressure and kidney function. Vasopressin during sex produces a partial bond with every woman he has sex with. More than one sex partners can therefore minimalise a man’s ability to commit to a relationship if he keeps changing partners!
It makes sense then why her ‘player’ boyfriend is not prepared to give up any of his other girlfriends and why she fell in love with him. If couples understood this, they could understand more about relationships and why they keep getting hurt.
