New parents worry that they’re doing irreparable psychological damage when their babies cry non-stop. When there is a lack of support and feeling helpless tips the scale to breaking-point, yes things can go seriously wrong. Taking frustration out on the baby can lead to ‘shaken-baby-syndrome’ with serious consequences.
Self-diagnosing ‘colic’ for inconsolable crying covers a multitude of possible causes. When working at the local baby clinic, our MOH (Medical Officer of Health) told me that very often it was the mother who was crying through her baby. I did not have children then, so I didn’t really understand what he meant … till a few years later when I had babies of my own.
It’s also difficult for young women to adapt to ‘motherhood’ because, generally speaking, we don’t grow up with babies around us anymore. When families were big, older girls helped to rear their siblings. Women are also more career orientated today and only enjoy a few months maternity leave – not much time to really get to know your baby. Single-parenting carries its own challenges.
Women don’t want to be seen as a failure and are good at masking what’s really going on. But babies have a sixth survival sense we call perception. They can sense fear, hostility, anxiety or anger and this makes them anxious. During the hospital stay, babies are mostly looked after by midwives who handle them with ease because it’s is what they do every day. Babies behave. But when babies come home, they often feel insecure and express this in the only language they know – crying. It’s not necessarily related to colic.
If your baby is always crying, you need to find the cause. Talk to other mothers who have ‘survived’. If you had a C-section, a paediatric physiotherapist can help with spinal realigning. Bathing your baby helps – as does putting the baby into bed with you or carrying him/her around in a sling.
Despite the hard time that some babies give their parents in the first few months, we learn to love them. Then one day we notice that something’s changed – the house is quieter and the baby is sleeping!
