Give your children the freedom to fly!

Teach your kids to be tough

When I pass from this world to the next, one thing I would like my kids to say about me is: “Mom taught us to be tough.” Teaching my kids to stand up for themselves as one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I wanted to wrap my babies in cotton wool and look after them forever. I wanted to be with them on every bus ride, every school outing, and every birthday party. I wanted to make sure they were not bullied, that their teachers were fair, and they stayed out of the principal’s office.

A tall order when there were five!

Oh, those sleepless nights when they were teenagers! How I wanted to be a fly on the wall or to buzz like a bee around their heads everywhere they went. But they each stood precariously on the edge of the nest and I urged them to fly away and make a life for themselves. Off they flew, one by one – New York, London, Cape Town, Germany, Amsterdam – and I prayed that they were tough enough to survive the storms that lay ahead, of which I have no control.

Of course, you want to walk your pre-schooler to the classroom, but you have to stop doing this when they go to ‘big’ school. When they get to double-digits, they want to explore and be seen by their friends without parental entourage! Tweens need to have adventures on their own to build-up confidence, risk falling, getting lost and even finding themselves in trouble with the grumpy old man at the end of the street for climbing over his fence and stealing pomegranates from his tree. Children need to learn to trust their instincts – how can they do this if you’re always there telling them to be careful, to look out, and saying ‘don’t’. Their conscious needs to tell them these things when they’re teenagers – because that’s when the BIG test comes – for you and for them!

Some children need a gentle push, others need a rope to haul them back in. Siblings balance one another – where one is cautious the other throws caution to the wind.  Parents need to know when to intervene and when to stay out of it. The best advice I can give is to communicate with your children. Body language is their biggest give-away. Trust your instincts. When they tell you something is wrong, it usually is. This is a built-in parenting instinct we all have – thanks to our parents who taught us to be tough.

On second thoughts, I would like my children to say: “Mom was tough on us, but she loved us with all her heart.”   

Picture:  https://www.wikihow.com/Feed-a-Baby-Bird

Urinary tract problems in baby boys

How does your baby boy pee?

It’s interesting what you can learn from people waiting in hospital queues. I learned something so important at my last hospital visit, I just have to share with my readers – especially moms with baby boys. It’s this - please make sure that when your baby boy makes a pee, that it’s a strong flow that arches (like the picture … ok, not into his mouth!) because this is a good indication that all is well with his water-works; bladder, ureters, and penis. If he pees in an odd direction, or urine simply dribbles out, or the tip of his penis balloons, there’s a problem.

This is what a mother told me. When her son was a baby, his nappies were always wet, so nobody (even the paediatrician) suspected there was a problem. But there was. The tubes leading from his kidneys to his bladder (called the ureters) were partially blocked. This meant that his kidneys couldn’t empty properly and over the years, this led to chronic nephritis with severe implications.

Although her baby’s nappies were always wet, urine was constantly ‘dribbling’, and, as time went by, her son picked up repeated bladder (urinary tract) infections. This should have sounded warning bells, but repeated antibiotics always solved the problem.

As her son grew older, infections became more frequent and severe so that by the time he went to school, he was in trouble. Always sick and miserable, her son struggled to make friends, couldn’t play sport and often ‘wet his pants’. Constant ‘urine reflux’ meant that his kidneys became infected (called chronic nephritis) so that by the time he was a teenager, the damage was irreversible and he needed a transplant. His mother was his donor.

Her son’s health improved remarkably after the transplant, but this has meant constant follow-ups, life-long medications like cortisone (to prevent organ rejection) and an otherwise hospital-bound life-style for her son. If the problem had been picked up early, this may have been avoided.

Other things to look out for in your little boy:

Are his testicles in the scrotal sac? Preemie baby boys often have delayed descent. Undescended testicles may have to be corrected surgically if, by three months. there are no testicles in the sac.

Is his little penis straight? If it’s curved, this is called chordee and can be corrected.

Hypospadias is when the opening for the urethra (tube for the urine) from the bladder is not at the tip of the penis where it should be, but on the underside anywhere from just below the end of the penis to the scrotum. This can vary from minor to severe and depends on whether the urethra is near the head of the penis, along the shaft or where the penis and scrotum meet. Again, this can be picked up if the baby boy does not pee in an arch. 

Unfortunately, corrective surgery is very difficult if the baby has been circumcised because the foreskin is used in reconstructive surgery.

Epispadias is when the opening is on the front of the penis.

If the foreskin ‘balloons’ when the baby boy pees, this means that the foreskin is too tight or attached to the tip of the penis and must be corrected by circumcision. 

We tend to forget the importance of these ‘unmentionable’ organs, but if there is a problem, the sooner they are seen to the better. Men can struggle unnecessarily with life-long emotional, physical and sex-related problems because their parents were ‘ashamed’ about the way their son looked, and simply used the nappy to ‘keep it covered’.

I hope this advice helps. Please pass it onto a friend if she has a baby boy.

Photo from Amber Holley.   

Healthy kids enjoy school

Back to school …

Children (in South Africa) go back to school tomorrow. It’s always an exciting day – especially for parents – and even for school ‘loathers’. Teachers are (hopefully) fresh and full of new ideas. Stationary is bought; uniforms are mended (or altered) and shoes are shiny.

Everybody’s happy. How do we keep it that way?

Make your child/ren feel secure. They’re still learning about the world, and are irresponsible and adventurous. They need grown-ups they can trust, and who will teach them skills for life.

Because children copy what they see and hear, you have to set a good example.

Children need to be given age-appropriate responsibilities. This makes them feel needed and important. Children are more responsible than we realise. When mom was widowed and left with four small children to raise alone, she had to trust that we would come home from school and do our homework. I was only 11 when I started cooking the evening meal. Today my culinary skills are impeccable (I think so) and I can feed a family of six with a single packet of dehydrated soup – well almost.

Children need to get off the couch and away from their i-phones and laptops and play. Sport is good – but running around barefoot on the soft grass is nature’s reflexology. Play strengthens ankles, uses up energy (and calories) stimulates happiness hormones, oxygenates brains. Sunshine gives children their daily dose of Vitamin D. All this adds up to a good night’s sleep.

In the past, adults were so concerned about their own problems, they never thought that children could become stressed and depressed. Believe it or not, once upon a time, it was even thought that babies felt no pain! Today, thankfully, we understand that little people have emotional needs as much as adults do and this can be picked up when they start behaving badly, have eating disorders, regress to baby behaviour, cry when it’s time for school, have nightmares and are just plain miserable.

Keep ‘em healthy by keeping the germs away:

Teach kids good hygiene habits  

Make sure they’re eating healthy

Get their shots on time

Treat creepy-crawlies promptly (flees, lice and scabies quickly spread in a classroom environment)

Make sure they have a regular bed-time

Most importantly: Enjoy your children. Have fun and learn with them. They’re your greatest treasures and you’re theirs!

Good morning with the perfect boiled egg

There’s more to boiling an egg …

I enjoy eating a boiled egg for breakfast – with a slice of fresh toast, melted butter, and a smidgen of Marmite. Finishing off with an orange. Breakfast for a Princess.

We all have our own preferences when it comes to boiled eggs. Some like them bouncy hard while others prefer their eggs slimy soft. When a boiled egg is not prepared to your liking, it’s not as enjoyable. When you can boil the perfect egg, you can call yourself a chef.

I like my egg soft, but not too soft. The yolk must be slightly solid on the outside, and soft inside. This is how I get it right.

1. I take an egg from the fridge, put it in a small pot and cover with cold water.
2. I boil it at a moderately high temperature.
3. As soon as the water boils, I switch the plate off and leave the egg in the pot for 1 minute.
4. Then I take the pot off the stove and leave the egg for another minute.
5. Finally, I plunge the egg into cold water for another minute while I butter my toast.

Voila! The perfect boiled egg.

Just a bit of nonsense information to start in 2020.

Have you thought about what you want to do with other 360-something days of opportunities?

Here are a few ideas:

• Start exercising – just a daily walk for 20 minutes will do the trick. You won’t ‘find’ the time – you have to make it!
• Broaden your mind – read more, go on a course (pottery, flower arranging, sewing, calligraphy, water-paints) your choice is endless. No excuses. Make time!
• Look after your health – kick bad habits in the butt. One butt at a time.
• Make new friends – they’re a breath of fresh air.
• Write a journal. Get up early to do this.
• Get organised – it will free up so much extra time, you'll be amazed!
• Teach your children to put things away – don’t clean up after them.
• Make time for your spouse. Rekindle romance. Tickle those hormones that made you fall in love in the first place.

The benefits of reading

…this time of the year

Even when you’re a freelancer (like me) and working from home, there’s an aura of ‘holiday’ this time of the year. This means that it’s time to close my laptop, tidy up my office and indulge in Christmas-fare like shopping, gift wrapping, baking biscuits, reading and yes, a bit of creative and nonsense story-writing (and reading) too.

This morning I’ve been going through some of my own book reviews. My high-school English teacher, Sister Mary Aiden, encouraged us to keep an ‘anthology’ of the books we’d read – a habit I have continued to this day. Now I have several spiral-bound, hard-covered exercise books filled with my own interpretations of books with notes on authors and their publishers, new words, vivid descriptions and quotes to remember.

Aspiring writers are told to read. I encourage my children and grandchildren to read. But not all books on recommended reading lists or so-called ‘best-sellers’ live up to their expectations. These books may not be your taste in reading either, and I don’t believe in persevering with a book I’m not enjoying reading for the sake of ‘finishing it’. If, after the first few chapters, I don’t like a book, I leave it. For example, while I’m a great admirer of JK Rowling, I’ve never been able to ‘get into’ her Harry Potter series – yet I loved Tolkien’s Hobbit books and even Terry Pratchett’s nonsense stories. 

My reading has followed the pattern of my life – from romance and adventure reading to pregnancy and babies, then parenting. With changes in the political history here in South Africa, I focused on South African authors for a while. My list of reading includes ‘how-to’ and ‘self-help’ books, religious and medical books, books about psychology and healthy eating, novels and biographies.

This Christmas, how about indulging in a bit of reading? Take the children to a book store (or your local library – its free and they also have holiday programmes) and let them choose a book for themselves. Take a book with you when you go on holiday – and if going away is not on the cards right now, why not let a book take you anywhere, anytime to any place in the comfort of your couch?

If my blogs are scarce till January, you know where I’ll be! 

Here’s wishing you a special Christmas that’s filled with PEACE, love, family, and friends.