Everyday can be a good day

Periods are a big thing in a woman’s life. Do you remember the first time you had yours? How you were dreading it (perhaps you were even looking forward to it) and the stress/fear/disappointment/anti-climax when it came? The embarrassment and eew! changing your pad – especially at school or when you were not home? The pain that made your hands sweaty and (if you were like me) too self-conscious to tell the teacher why you were feeling so awful! And then when your period is late – wearing an ‘in-case’ pad and checking ‘in-case’ you had started. 

If you’re a mom with a budding ‘tween’, you may be worried about how you should go about telling her the facts of life. Don’t side-step this important milestone. Yes she will hear about it from her friends and possibly even her Life Science or Life Skills teacher at school, but it’s important that you tell her the truth i.e. periods are normal. They come in cycles calculated from the first day of one period to the first day of the next period. On average this is about 28 days. Periods don’t come on the same date every month because the number of days in a month are different and cycles are controlled by hormones influenced by stress, diet and health. It’s normal for a cycle to be as short as 3 weeks or as long as 3 months. Girls need to know this.

Speak to your daughter about coping with periods at school. Make sure she always has extra pads with her (even when she is not menstruating – pads are part of her kit). Show her how to use the pads – don’t assume she knows! Once she is confident using pads, she may want to try tampons – especially if she is doing sport, dancing, gymnastics, horse-riding etc. Tampons are helpful during the day, but she should stick to pads at night to prevent blood ‘pooling’ in the vagina while she is lying down. 

How well do women understand periods? My mom bought me pads. That’s all. She didn’t tell me anything about periods simply because her mom had not told her anything! It was only when I studied Midwifery and subsequently specialised in women’s reproductive health that I began to understand and appreciate how truly amazing a woman’s body is! Periods shouldn’t only be about the bleeding. We should focus on understanding ‘ovulation’ – this is when the ovary releases the egg.  Menstrual cycles are dependent on the ripening, release and non-fertilisation of the egg (ova). 

If you would like to learn more about periods and get answers to your questions, go to www.Kotex.co.za. Join women worldwide on Saturday and go to menstrualhygieneday.org

Pain management after birth

Pain management has finally been taken seriously by doctors and nurses. It’s even called a science!

Most women learn about pain in their early teens when they start having ‘periods’. Periods are all about learning to understand our bodies and figuring out what works best for us, individually, without simply having to ‘grin and bear it’ as we were told.

The last few weeks of pregnancy are painful because of backache, stretched ligaments and the baby’s head bobbing around in the pelvis. The first few weeks after the birth are difficult because of stitches (either from a C-section or episiotomy), heavy breasts and sore nipples! Nobody warns women of lingering, persistent pain just about everywhere after having a baby. Added to your woes is a demanding baby and daily chores that have to get done. You may be wondering what happened to the serene images of motherhood you pictured while you were pregnant. Are those happy pictures you see in baby magazines real – or are they posed and photo shopped?

Here are some coping tips:

•  Use heat to dull the pain: This improves blood circulation to injured tissue and helps it to heal. This also helps to reduce the pain. Heated microwave bean-bags or a hot water bottle is magic!

•  Move, move, move: This also helps to improve overall blood circulation, oxygenate body cells and wake-up the brain. Also remember to ‘walk tall’ despite a C-section cut or an episiotomy (cut to the vaginal wall)

•  Distraction: This helps you brain to focus on things other than your pain. Get your girl-friends to visit you with flowers, chocolates, magazines and happy chatter! Giggle and laugh together – it’s the best medicine!

•  Medication: Before you reach into the medicine cabinet for strong pain-killers, try natural remedies like herbal tea (fresh ginger reduces inflammation, raspberry-leaf helps your womb to recover and camomile improves sleep). Cabbage leaves inside your bra is magic for full, painful engorged breasts. Speak to a pharmacist or homeopath about recommending something for pain that won’t interfere with breastfeeding

•  Rest, rest, rest: Take a break while your baby is sleeping! 

•  Acknowledge your achievements! Having a baby is BIG! Just imagine – you have created a new life. When you admire your baby, remind yourself “I did this!” 

More than anything, enjoy your baby! 

Happy Mother's Day 2016

Mothers come in all shapes and sizes, from different backgrounds, cultures and upbringings, but their hearts are all the same – compassionate, caring and nurturing. Some do this regimentally, others sentimentally, compassionately or even resentfully. Some women don’t seem to be doing it at all – and yet, in their own way, we know that they are. 

Like Dinah of the “Red Tent”, I too have had many ‘mothers’ - aunts, grandmothers and their friends who, in some way, have made me who I am today. These genuine women taught me the art of baking, the joy of reading, the importance of endurance, kindness and generosity and making the effort – especially for family celebrations.

Women have a knack of getting things done – especially when they’re in groups. I am encouraged, strengthened and motivated when I see their enthusiasm, feel their energy, feed off their laughter and watch the job get done – whether it’s making soup and sandwiches for the hungry, tea and cake for the bereaved, baby-clothes for the hospital or teaching little-ones in Sunday school or Catechism.  

Women like to be in groups where they draw strength from one another, have a friend to talk to who will listen, can teach us something new or add to what we have already learned. As a mother I have drawn from the wells of mom-to-mom friends, sewing circles, book-clubs and writing groups. I have drawn strength from support-groups, short courses, seminars and conferences. Now as a grandmother I share with others who knit, read and write, many who are younger women keen to learn, build-up their skills and rekindle traditions that women have passed on, generation after generation.

On Mother’s Day this year, let’s celebrate the gift of Motherhood, the privilege of having babies and nurturing the next generation. Share with those not yet lucky enough to be mothers or those who have lost babies, children or grandchildren. Help them to heal the hurt they hide by excluding themselves. A gentle word of encouragement is all that it takes to remind us that we are all born of the same mother!

Happy, healthy little chicks

These matriarchs have experience under their belts and ‘tend’ not to panic. They may have forgotten about colic and believe in old-fashioned remedies like thickening feeds with cornstarch and adding mustard powder to the bathwater – but they’re there when you need them, and if nothing else, reassure you and give you a much needed break when you need it most. 

These are highly specialised medical practitioners who are trained for emergencies, critical illnesses, chronic syndromes and serious childhood complications. They’re busy and expensive people. Their expertise should focus on sick babies – not common problems like colic, cramps and crying babies (unless of course these are severe, which is rare). If you had problems during your pregnancy, complications at the birth or afterwards, this warrants follow-up with a paediatrician. 

Your family doctor can treat the run-of-the-mill problems like infections, colic, fevers, vomiting, weight loss etc. Your family doctor keeps records of the family’s medical history and is familiar with your circumstances. S/he will refer your baby to a specialist when necessary.

Physiotherapists (in my opinion) are underutilized when it comes to baby care. Babies who have birth or pregnancy related injuries, genetic abnormalities, muscle weaknesses who need help with posture, balance and muscle control or are behind with their milestones can be helped with physiotherapy. Physio and nebulising babies with chest infections is better than giving them antibiotics. 

The clinic nurse keeps your baby healthy by keeping tabs on your baby’s weight gain and growth according to a scientifically calculated growth chart. Called the ‘Road to Health’ for girls or boys this little book records your baby’s health, immunizations, vitamin supplements, deworming treatment and developmental screening for the first five years. Keep this little book in a safe place - you will need these records when your child is ready for primary school as proof of his/her health, development and immunisations. Your clinic sister (municipal, pharmacy or in private practice) is there to answer all your questions, advise you on baby care and refer your baby for follow-up if and should this be necessary. 

Although a pharmacist cannot prescribe medicines, they can advise you about over-the-counter medicines for pain and fever relief, teething troubles, colds and coughs,

Sex after giving birth...

I don’t blame her. Sex after giving birth IS a forgotten fantasy! While her man swings from the balcony in sexual frustration, she feigns sleep, complains of a headache or sleeps with the baby. What happened to her va-va-voom? Her vivacious, sexy naughtiness? Her desire to please him?  

The adage ‘when a baby goes in it feels like a banana – and comes out like a pineapple’ is not far off the mark! Just think about it – organs of sexual pleasure become associated with pain, bleeding, bruising and black-jack stitches after birth! Double-D breasts feel hot, hard and heavy. Cracked nipples burn, burn, burn. Whenever you want to shower or bath to make yourself feel good, your baby wails for another feed!  Life for a new mom can be a nightmarish. Sex is the last thing on her mind!

Men can also feel awkward about sex. When will you be able to make love again? What if he hurts you? What if the baby wakes up? What if you get pregnant again?

Women need a break after having a baby and this is where I agree with traditional African customs where the women and children have their own hut, and women stay with her mother-in-law for the first few months after giving birth!

The rule of thumb is that couples have the go-ahead to have sex once she has had her post-natal check-up. At this visit, the doctor checks healed episiotomy cuts or any other vaginal lacerations, and recommends a contraceptive.  Breastfeeding women are advised to use either a condom or the mini-pill (POP or progesterone only pill) so that synthetic hormones don’t upset her breastfeeding hormones. 

I suggest preparing something special to ‘celebrate’ and get yourself into the mood – candles, low lights, soft music and champagne. Take it slow and easy starting with an all-over body massage. Talk to each other so that you know how you feel. Do what comes naturally. Take baby-steps back into your love-life. There’s no need to rush! 

Choosing a contraceptive is personal. Discuss options with your doctor. Besides chemicals (pills, injections, rods and ‘patches’) and ‘barrier methods’ – condoms, caps and the IUCD (intrauterine contraceptive device) there are natural methods called LAM - Lactation Amenorrhoea Method or NFP (Natural Family Planning). Google these for more information. 

Couples who are confident that their family is complete can choose sterilisation. For women this means cutting and tying off her fallopian tubes. For a man, a small snip into the scrotal sac to cut and tie the ‘vas’ so that sperm are not ejaculated with seminal fluid. Sterilisation does not interfere with periods and neither does it affect erections or ejaculations. It is a major decision however, and should be thoroughly researched because reversing the procedure is not that simple!