Don't stand so close to me

Covid-19 “A Touching Story”

I am sure that you have Covid-19 overload. Some messages are positive like this one “We always complain that we never have enough time to spend at home with our children and doing the things we want to do. Why are so many complaining?”

Covid-19 is touching lives around the world, and it’s not going to go away in a hurry. As parents, you have a double-whammy worrying about your children, your parents and job security (besides toilet paper shortages). Parents with existing health issues are more at risk and should take the advice of health authorities. Society is panicking because there has been a lack of strong leadership, people (on the whole) are selfish and undisciplined. Many are not taking this virus seriously enough; the medical profession is overwhelmed and supplies are already running short.

Let’s be practical. We’re told that 80% of the population will become infected, and while they’re infectious (some are symptom-free and are called ‘super spreaders’) they’re unwittingly spreading the virus. Ants have a way of finding their way into the sugar, no matter where you hide it. But at least we can see them and stop them. Like all viruses, Covid-19 is invisible and multiplies like crazy on its host – currently the human population.

To protect yourself, you need to get into the habit of not touching things. Not easy to do because it’s one of our strongest senses that is developed even before we’re born, and when we’re out with the children, we’re always saying “Don’t touch!” They’re the biggest ‘touchers’ and the worst hand washers! This is because we ‘see’ things better when we touch them. We have to imagine that the virus is on everything that we touch.

Our skin is a reliable protector, providing there are no cuts or scratches or sores. The virus cannot get into your body when it’s on your hands unless you rub your eyes, lick your finger or eat with your hands.

Here is something to cut out and magnet to your fridge. 

TOUCH

T        Touch as little as possible. Keep your hands clean at all times and wash them as soon as you come home or after touching things e.g. after shopping. Wash your hands with antiseptic soap like Dettol. Now that hand sanitisers are out of stock, make your own solution by using diluted Jik (follow the instructions on the packaging) and add a few drops of Tea Tree oil to disguise the smell and to make it more effective. Put some of this solution into a sheet of disposable toweling or a baby wipe, keep this on you when you go out and use it whenever you feel it’s necessary. Throw this away before you get home.

O        Only go out when it’s absolutely necessary. Crowd minimizing is ineffective. Even 10 people in a group is too many.

U        Underestimating the carnage and wrath of this virus and how quickly it can spread has been the biggest culprit of this pandemic. Never underestimate a virus – they’re smarter and more resilient than we realise.

C        Cleanliness is next to godliness. Cover your nose and mouth if you have to stand in a queue and keep an arm’s length away from the person in front of you. Make sure the person behind you does the same thing.

H        Home isolation is safest. Food, pharmaceutical, and grocery deliveries should be wiped with your Jik disinfectant. Wash your hands after receiving them.

We cannot afford to be in denial.

We may feel helpless, but it is important to remain calm in a world that’s quickly become hysterical. Help your family and friends by spreading wisdom, peace, and co-operation.

“Come, my people, enter your chambers

And shut your doors behind you;

Hide yourselves for a little while,

Until the wrath has passed.” Isiah 27:20

Department of Health Covid-19 hotline number: 0800029999 (South Africa)

*Things I cannot control:

The behaviour of others

If others don’t follow the rules of distancing

How others react

Other people’s motives

Predicting what will happen

How long this will last

The supply of toilet paper

Things I can control – and these I will focus on

I Can pray for strength, wisdom, and courage to face this storm

I can follow recommendations

My own social distancing

My kindness and grace

Limiting social media

Turning off the news

Finding fun things to do at home

Spread calm amongst the calamity

*Adapted from Carrie Stephens Art Counselling

       

Obstacles to getting pregnant

We’re not pregnant …… yet

It’s 2020 and you want to have a baby. While some of your friends fell pregnant prettily easily, it is likely that a few really struggled, and may have needed the help of a fertility clinic.

What are your chances?

This depends on a lot. Things like hereditary factors – did your mom struggle to get pregnant with you? -  health issues – are you over or underweight, have blood-pressure issues and are you taking medication for a chronic illness? Have you been using hormonal contraceptives, for how long and finally, what are your periods like?

The clue to fertility is, without a doubt, your periods. Periods tell us so much about our health, its a pity we don’t use them as a health barometer. This is because Mother Nature is so meticulous about building the perfect ‘nest’ to incubate our babies, that the first sign of an illness or any of the body’s systems going a bit haywire, and the menstrual cycle loses its rhythm. The hormonal balancing act that synchronizes the timing of the menstrual cycle is not unlike the workings of clock or calisthenics.

For example, women who have scanty, irregular and unpredictable periods or heavy, prolonged and very painful periods may have ovulation problems. This means that getting pregnant is pretty much a hit or miss. The good news is that when a woman ovulates, her pre-pregnancy hormones peak during this time making sex absolutely amazing. When this happens, a woman is more likely to have an orgasm. An orgasm is likely to maximize her chances of getting pregnant because, during this peak of pleasure, her womb contracts and the cervix (mouth of the womb) dips into the top of the vagina to literally ‘catch’ the microscopic tadpole-like sperm.

To get your body ready for pregnancy, it’s important for it to be balanced. Your weight, sugar, hormonal and stress levels need to be under control. This is so that not only will you get pregnant when the fertilised ova gets over its first obstacle course through the fallopian tube and lands like a lunar space module onto the surface of the womb, endures the first three weeks of pregnancy without the backup of a placenta, and finally, grows and develops into a baby during the next ten lunar months in captivity, your body will also survive a series of endurance tests before the Grand Finale – labour and birth!  

I think this gives you pretty much of an idea that planning a baby is not like going to buy a microwave, investing in a new house, changing your career path or planning a trip overseas. It’s pretty much a change of lifestyle and body-image, the unselfish sharing of everything you will ever own (including your body, mind and soul) your life (night-time shifts till your children leave home – and beyond) and making sacrifices only a saint would do. The first hint of a smile, the first word (ma-ma of course!), the first ‘I love you’ will make up for every effort you made to get pregnant in the first place. Good luck!     

Give your children the freedom to fly!

Teach your kids to be tough

When I pass from this world to the next, one thing I would like my kids to say about me is: “Mom taught us to be tough.” Teaching my kids to stand up for themselves as one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I wanted to wrap my babies in cotton wool and look after them forever. I wanted to be with them on every bus ride, every school outing, and every birthday party. I wanted to make sure they were not bullied, that their teachers were fair, and they stayed out of the principal’s office.

A tall order when there were five!

Oh, those sleepless nights when they were teenagers! How I wanted to be a fly on the wall or to buzz like a bee around their heads everywhere they went. But they each stood precariously on the edge of the nest and I urged them to fly away and make a life for themselves. Off they flew, one by one – New York, London, Cape Town, Germany, Amsterdam – and I prayed that they were tough enough to survive the storms that lay ahead, of which I have no control.

Of course, you want to walk your pre-schooler to the classroom, but you have to stop doing this when they go to ‘big’ school. When they get to double-digits, they want to explore and be seen by their friends without parental entourage! Tweens need to have adventures on their own to build-up confidence, risk falling, getting lost and even finding themselves in trouble with the grumpy old man at the end of the street for climbing over his fence and stealing pomegranates from his tree. Children need to learn to trust their instincts – how can they do this if you’re always there telling them to be careful, to look out, and saying ‘don’t’. Their conscious needs to tell them these things when they’re teenagers – because that’s when the BIG test comes – for you and for them!

Some children need a gentle push, others need a rope to haul them back in. Siblings balance one another – where one is cautious the other throws caution to the wind.  Parents need to know when to intervene and when to stay out of it. The best advice I can give is to communicate with your children. Body language is their biggest give-away. Trust your instincts. When they tell you something is wrong, it usually is. This is a built-in parenting instinct we all have – thanks to our parents who taught us to be tough.

On second thoughts, I would like my children to say: “Mom was tough on us, but she loved us with all her heart.”   

Picture:  https://www.wikihow.com/Feed-a-Baby-Bird

Urinary tract problems in baby boys

How does your baby boy pee?

It’s interesting what you can learn from people waiting in hospital queues. I learned something so important at my last hospital visit, I just have to share with my readers – especially moms with baby boys. It’s this - please make sure that when your baby boy makes a pee, that it’s a strong flow that arches (like the picture … ok, not into his mouth!) because this is a good indication that all is well with his water-works; bladder, ureters, and penis. If he pees in an odd direction, or urine simply dribbles out, or the tip of his penis balloons, there’s a problem.

This is what a mother told me. When her son was a baby, his nappies were always wet, so nobody (even the paediatrician) suspected there was a problem. But there was. The tubes leading from his kidneys to his bladder (called the ureters) were partially blocked. This meant that his kidneys couldn’t empty properly and over the years, this led to chronic nephritis with severe implications.

Although her baby’s nappies were always wet, urine was constantly ‘dribbling’, and, as time went by, her son picked up repeated bladder (urinary tract) infections. This should have sounded warning bells, but repeated antibiotics always solved the problem.

As her son grew older, infections became more frequent and severe so that by the time he went to school, he was in trouble. Always sick and miserable, her son struggled to make friends, couldn’t play sport and often ‘wet his pants’. Constant ‘urine reflux’ meant that his kidneys became infected (called chronic nephritis) so that by the time he was a teenager, the damage was irreversible and he needed a transplant. His mother was his donor.

Her son’s health improved remarkably after the transplant, but this has meant constant follow-ups, life-long medications like cortisone (to prevent organ rejection) and an otherwise hospital-bound life-style for her son. If the problem had been picked up early, this may have been avoided.

Other things to look out for in your little boy:

Are his testicles in the scrotal sac? Preemie baby boys often have delayed descent. Undescended testicles may have to be corrected surgically if, by three months. there are no testicles in the sac.

Is his little penis straight? If it’s curved, this is called chordee and can be corrected.

Hypospadias is when the opening for the urethra (tube for the urine) from the bladder is not at the tip of the penis where it should be, but on the underside anywhere from just below the end of the penis to the scrotum. This can vary from minor to severe and depends on whether the urethra is near the head of the penis, along the shaft or where the penis and scrotum meet. Again, this can be picked up if the baby boy does not pee in an arch. 

Unfortunately, corrective surgery is very difficult if the baby has been circumcised because the foreskin is used in reconstructive surgery.

Epispadias is when the opening is on the front of the penis.

If the foreskin ‘balloons’ when the baby boy pees, this means that the foreskin is too tight or attached to the tip of the penis and must be corrected by circumcision. 

We tend to forget the importance of these ‘unmentionable’ organs, but if there is a problem, the sooner they are seen to the better. Men can struggle unnecessarily with life-long emotional, physical and sex-related problems because their parents were ‘ashamed’ about the way their son looked, and simply used the nappy to ‘keep it covered’.

I hope this advice helps. Please pass it onto a friend if she has a baby boy.

Photo from Amber Holley.   

Healthy kids enjoy school

Back to school …

Children (in South Africa) go back to school tomorrow. It’s always an exciting day – especially for parents – and even for school ‘loathers’. Teachers are (hopefully) fresh and full of new ideas. Stationary is bought; uniforms are mended (or altered) and shoes are shiny.

Everybody’s happy. How do we keep it that way?

Make your child/ren feel secure. They’re still learning about the world, and are irresponsible and adventurous. They need grown-ups they can trust, and who will teach them skills for life.

Because children copy what they see and hear, you have to set a good example.

Children need to be given age-appropriate responsibilities. This makes them feel needed and important. Children are more responsible than we realise. When mom was widowed and left with four small children to raise alone, she had to trust that we would come home from school and do our homework. I was only 11 when I started cooking the evening meal. Today my culinary skills are impeccable (I think so) and I can feed a family of six with a single packet of dehydrated soup – well almost.

Children need to get off the couch and away from their i-phones and laptops and play. Sport is good – but running around barefoot on the soft grass is nature’s reflexology. Play strengthens ankles, uses up energy (and calories) stimulates happiness hormones, oxygenates brains. Sunshine gives children their daily dose of Vitamin D. All this adds up to a good night’s sleep.

In the past, adults were so concerned about their own problems, they never thought that children could become stressed and depressed. Believe it or not, once upon a time, it was even thought that babies felt no pain! Today, thankfully, we understand that little people have emotional needs as much as adults do and this can be picked up when they start behaving badly, have eating disorders, regress to baby behaviour, cry when it’s time for school, have nightmares and are just plain miserable.

Keep ‘em healthy by keeping the germs away:

Teach kids good hygiene habits  

Make sure they’re eating healthy

Get their shots on time

Treat creepy-crawlies promptly (flees, lice and scabies quickly spread in a classroom environment)

Make sure they have a regular bed-time

Most importantly: Enjoy your children. Have fun and learn with them. They’re your greatest treasures and you’re theirs!