A
babymoon (like a honeymoon) is especially helpful if your partner can take some
paternity leave to help you recover. Physical, emotional, hormonal and social adjustments
after the birth are bigger than we realise. If it takes nine months to make a
baby, it’s going to take at least another nine to recover!
Riva
Rubin, an American midwife way back in the 1960’s, gave a name to the three
stages after the birth. She called them the Taking-In
phase - this lasts from 2 hours after birth to 2 days, the Taking-Hold phase or first week home with baby, and finally the Letting-Go phase that can last 6 weeks.
I personally doubt that mothers ever
reach the stage of fully ‘letting-go’ because we always worry about our children!
During
the Taking-In phase (usually spent in
hospital) mom is focused on herself (rather than baby) and is dependent on
others for help.
During
the Take-Hold phase or first week
home with baby, mom begins to focus more on baby. As her body recovers, so do
her energy levels. When stitches begin to feel more comfortable it’s easier to
look after herself. During this time a new mother wants to look after her baby – even though she may be afraid or apprehensive.
During
the Letting-Go phase, a new mom is
prepared to accept her new life and has come to terms with unmet expectations
e.g. having an emergency C-section rather than the natural birth she was hoping
for. Until this happens she may go through the ‘baby-blues’ for a while. If
this is not resolved by six months, this could be post-natal depression and
should be investigated.
One
of the biggest adjustments parents have to make is disturbed sleep – something
they will have to get used to till their children leave home! In Victorian
mansions babies slept in nurseries and in African culture, women and babies
were confined to sleeping in their own hut. But in today’s cities and townhouse
complexes, a crying baby can keep the whole neighborhood awake! An easy
solution is to simply put the baby into bed with you. Some couples take turns
getting up or dad could fetch and change baby while mom breast-feeds. Each couple
must do what’s best for them.
In
the early days, unless ‘Top Billing’ is coming to film your house, take it easy
when it comes to cleaning. As long as your house it tidy and you know where
things are, a little bit of dirt won’t hurt anybody! Even better – sleep when
baby sleeps!
Visitors
are great and everybody wants to see the new baby, but too many too often can be
overwhelming! Be honest when people ask if they can come over or when
unexpected visitors pop and say ‘We’ll only be a minute’, make sure they do
just that!
