The first week after birth with Hannah and Sarah

 Day five – Hannah’s home and feeling good

Hannah* and baby Sarah are home and adapting to their new life. In this short time, Hannah is learning not to be too hard on herself (mistakes can and will happen she says), to communicate her needs and share responsibilities with her partner and to accept help from family and friends.

Hannah is trying not to be a ‘worry machine’, but it’s easier said than done. “Like knowing when Sarah’s full and when she’s hungry. Today I’m on ‘poo patrol’ because Sarah didn’t poop yesterday. I stress when she doesn’t. But I also stress when she does – it’s so yucky.”

Baby’s first poop is called meconium. It’s a slimy, sticky, blackish, tarry-looking thick mucus. It’s what collected in baby’s bowels during pregnancy (babies don’t poop when you’re pregnant). During the first few days after the birth, this mucous is gradually cleaned out. It changes to dark bottle-green, green-mustard colour, mustard colour to yellow when bilirubin is excreted. Breastfed poops smell ‘sweeter’ than formula poop. Formula-fed babies can have firmer or even hard stools. Its important to mix the formula according to instructions, and not to pack the scoops too tightly – or add extra formula in the belief the more is better. Breastfed babies can have up to five poops a day – or one big poop every second or third day.

It's important not to give newborn’s laxatives or suppositories or to add brown sugar or cooking oil to formula. This is because the baby’s bowel needs to build up natural organisms called microbiomes that are so important to prevent allergies, set-up an immune system and help digest milk. It’s better to stimulate peristalsis by massaging baby’s tummy or pressing baby’s knees into the tummy when the baby is lying on his/her back.

Adapting to motherhood is a topic Reva Rubin, an American midwife, studied and wrote extensively about in the 1960’s. Now in her sixth day, Hannah is at the ‘letting go’ stage: letting go of her pregnancy, her independence and ‘singleness’. She’s becoming more responsible for Sarah’s safety and survival while recognising Sarah’s independence (Sarah still associates Hannah as part of herself and will do this till she is about six months old). Hannah is also adapting her lifestyle to include Sarah. It wasn’t like this on the first and second day after birth. During this time, according to Reva Rubin, a new mother focuses on self, because she needs to recover from the birth. She only wants to eat and sleep, is dependant on others for help and has a strong need to talk about her birthing experience. On the second and third day after birth, the new mother is recovered enough (especially after a c-section) to start coping with the needs of her baby. This is when she takes more care of her physical recovery, asks questions about baby-care and is preparing to look after her baby on her own. It’s helpful to have a midwife either in hospital, or at home to give advice about feeding, burping, bathing and swaddling.

Luckily, most babies are sleepy and very co-operative during the first week – especially while they’re in the hospital. In Hannah’s words: “It’s been a blissful bubble of every emotion a new mother can ever experience….and all of them, totally worth it!” 

* We have been following Hannah’s pregnancy (see previous blogs). Her baby girl was born by c-section on Monday, 16^th August, 2021.

Photograph: Aloise Ireland

An ode to a daughter

 Hannah’s baby girl is here!

Very slightly early, Hannah’s baby girl was born at 3am on Monday morning, 16^th August – her c-section was booked for Tuesday 17^th August. I don’t have the details yet, but here is a passage I would like to share with her, and all new mothers out there – especially if you have given birth to a baby girl.

Mom and baby are well and healthy.

This is an extract from “A Daughter for a fortnight” by Mrs. Robert Henry.

“There is a belief that every woman first longs for a son, but a son, by the very nature of things is lost to her after the tenderness of his early years. A woman who has no daughter of her own misses most the intellectual companionship she can only obtain from an adolescent version of herself. Our intelligence differs from that of men. It is sometimes deeper and invariably more subtle. There is great satisfaction in having continually at one’s side a daughter with whom one can share interests and problems peculiar to one’s sex. For that reason, a daughter must be the most precious of joys.

“It is true that a mother soon loses her daughter by marriage, though her daughter’s marriage will be the very thing she will strive for most.”

Photograph: Aloise Ireland

Ready for lift-off: Ready for baby now

 One week to go

This time next week, Hannah and her partner will be holding their baby girl – and a whole new life would have begun. Everything has been packed and planned, and understandably, Hannah – who has never spent a day in hospital – is anxious about the unknown and the unexpected, the drips and injections, the operating theatre, and the recovery room. The only reassurance I could give her is that the staff knows what they are doing. It's something they do every day. Hannah doesn’t have to do their job for them. She and her baby girl will be safe.

Hannah was also asking how she will know that she is doing the right thing for her baby girl. It’s something every new mother worries about, not understanding how our ‘mother instinct’ kicks in. I refer here to an extract from Niall Williams's book ‘Boy and Man’.

“How do you know you are doing the right thing? That’s a question, isn’t it?” the Master asked at last. “How do you know? And is it enough to, say, do this one good thing, and by doing that does that mean you are doing the right thing? Because it can seem so small, can’t it? One small good thing, what’s the use of that, a voice in the back of your head says. And sometimes that’s the voice that wins!” He shrugged. Then again, he had the classroom before him. “But I don’t think the other voice gives in. It comes back. All the time, we have something telling us to go ahead, do the good thing. Believe in it. That’s the thing. It keeps coming back because that’s our nature, we want to do good. And that’s a kind of proof to me.”

“A proof?”

“Oh yes, definitely, because we want to do good, because, despite everything, and I mean so much evidence to the contrary, we still believe in it, that’s the proof.”   

All packed? Here’s a checklist for my readers:

Don’t leave packing till the last minute. It’s best to be prepared from 36 weeks onwards. Do things like bulk shopping and filling up the deep-freeze with ready-made meals in good time. Decide what you will wear when you come home. Put baby’s home-coming clothes into the car seat and let your partner know where these are for the Big Day.

Take Hannah’s advice. Don’t write a ‘birth plan’. Wait and see what happens.

For your labour bag you will need:

Documents: medical aid/hospital card, ID, booking forms

Comfortable pants, top, and shoes to ‘labour’ in

Toiletries e.g. face cloth, toothbrush, and toothpaste

Disposable panties

Tissues and moisture cloths

Lip balm or Vaseline

Hand cream

Hair accessories

Energy snacks and drinks

Distraction: cell phone

Nightie

Pads (if the hospital has asked for these)

Socks

Packet for your clothes to be taken home in.

 

While you’re in hospital you will need:

sanitary pads

breast pads

disposable panties

breastfeeding bra’s

toiletries for mom

disposable nappies

toiletries for baby:

Soap

Shampoo

Powder

Vaseline / bum cream

Aqueous cream

Cord care: cotton buds, surgical spirits

babygrows

vests and socks

wrapping blankets

 

Take along some things for dad:

‘Snack pack’

something to drink

reading material

camera/cell phone

 

Photograph: Aloise Ireland

 

An important message to pregnant women

 An important announcement. 

THE SOUTH AFRICAN SOCIETY OF OBSTETRICIANS AND GYNAECOLOGISTS (SASOG) CALLS ON PREGNANT AND BREASTFEEDING WOMEN TO VACCINATE

The South African Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists marks National Women’s Day 2021 by encouraging all women to be vaccinated against Covid-19 to protect themselves against severe disease.  This includes women who are pregnant and those who are breastfeeding.  In the case of pregnant women, SASOG recommends taking the vaccine after 14 weeks of pregnancy.

Studies show that the risk for critical illness is higher for pregnant than non-pregnant women, particularly in the 3rd trimester.  It has been found that, while most women will have no COVID-19 symptoms in pregnancy, pregnant women who experience COVID-19 symptoms have a higher risk of being admitted to ICU, needing mechanical ventilation and dying, than non-pregnant women of the same age.  Taking the vaccine also means a potential reduction in the risk of Pulmonary TB associated with Covid-19 and a reduction in the risk of passing on the virus to vulnerable members of the household. 

While there is a lack of information on pregnancies during vaccine trials, there is mounting evidence that taking the vaccine during pregnancy is safe for both mother and fetus and that the vaccine provides protection of the newborn from Covid-19.

SASOG also recommends that women who are planning to become pregnant or undergo fertility treatment should become vaccinated and need not delay conception.

“If you are uncertain about which vaccine you should take or the risks that the vaccine poses to you or your baby, we strongly advise that you consult your doctor or clinic who will be able to provide you with the most up to date and reliable information to assist you in making your decision”, concludes Dr Haynes van der Merwe, SASOG President.

Dreams and nightmares during pregnancy

 Two weeks to go – in a whirlpool of dreams

According to doctor’s estimations, Hannah’s baby weighs between 3.3 and 3.5 kgs. A good weight for a newborn. Hannah is in good health, just very tired and ‘lazy’, sleeping well but having weird, and sometimes really scary dreams.

Dreams and nightmares happen a lot during pregnancy. I remember having really weird dreams when I was pregnant. Dreams are not just a figment of the imagination. I believe dreams are manifestations of your subconscious, and when you string them out and search them for their meaning, they can be interpreted to make sense, help you solve a problem and even face your fears.

A very well-used book in my bookcase is Denise Linn’s book called ‘Signposts – The Universe is Whispering to You.’ In her introduction, Denise writes “In every moment the universe is whispering to you. There are messages for you carried on the winds. There is wisdom for you in the morning songs of the birds outside your window and in the soft murmurs of an ebbing sea. All ordinary everyday events in your life carry communications from the realm of spirit.”

Hannah shared her nightmare with me. Admitting that she is not a good swimmer, Hannah found herself swimming in a shark tank. There was a strong whirlpool and she was desperately trying to get away from the sharks. She woke up in a sweat and was very frightened.

Let’s unpack the meaning of this nightmare with the help of Signposts.

Water – “is a universal sign. It’s connected to our emotions and the mysterious realms of the archetypal female energy, representing fertility, new life, and new creative potential. Birth is associated with amniotic fluid or ‘waters’. Disturbed water can indicate chaos, but Denise writes that this ‘is not necessarily a bad sign, as sometimes it takes a huge upheaval to release old belief patterns’.” Hannah told me that during this pregnancy, she has made a conscious effort to ‘let go’ past hurts and move forward.

Shark – according to Denise, this could be a sign of hidden fear. Before a woman gives birth, it’s normal to have hidden fears of the unknown or what to expect. The sharks in her dream acknowledge Hannah’s fears

Swimming – perhaps Hannah has a hidden fear of swimming, and her dream could motivate her to go for swimming lessons in the future? Denise writes: ‘Do you feel like you are swimming against the current?’ Her advice is to ‘go with the flow and life can become fun instead of a great effort’.

In her book, Denise asks the question: ‘Do you feel that you are having trouble staying afloat amidst emotional changes?’ Her advice: ‘Relax and let the current carry you to the centre of your soul.’

 

Now that Hannah is approaching her final two weeks, she should just ‘go with the flow’ and have a bit of fun. This suits her personality perfectly!

Understanding this nightmare reveals special messages for Hannah. Dreams, even if they’re nightmarish, can carry powerful messages and help your inner soul resolve issues in a way that only you can understand.

Dealing with deep emotions before birth is very important because the connection between a mother and her newborn is profound. While overwhelming emotions of elation come about not only through endorphins (happiness hormones), birth can exhume buried traumas – from as early as a woman’s childhood or even her subconscious babyhood. Buried issues can create a barrier between a woman and her baby, inhibiting bonding. Babies can sense this distancing, and become upset to the point of fussing at the breast, not feeding or fretting when left to sleep. This is when the ‘baby blues’ could develop into post-natal depression.

The best way to overcome these issues is to have someone to talk to. Ideally, your partner, but sometimes you need a good friend you can open up to. Church groups often offer counseling and a therapist is trained to help reveal past and forgotten hurts. Talk about them and let them go so that as a new mother, you can move on and look into your future with hope, joy, and fulfillment. 

 

Symptoms of late pregnancy

 

Three weeks to go – In my little bubble

Hannah’s slowly coming to the end of her marathon. Her baby girl could start knocking to come into the world any day now. Here are the typical late pregnancy symptoms she’s experiencing:

False labour

Feeling like a lazy cat on the couch – with intermittent spurts of energy

Tight shoes – even though they’re a size bigger

Swollen ankles by the end of the day

Fingers that feel like a bunch of bananas

Porridge brain (type porridge brain into the subject block on the gadgets panel to learn more about this syndrome)

Symptoms nobody warned Hannah about:

Having to depend on her partner for just about everything – from opening a jar to getting off the couch. I remind Hannah that this is not a sign of weakness, but rather admitting that there are times when we need help. Something women find difficult to do because we’re so fiercely independent. Partners often feel left out and want to know what they can do to help.

Hannah finds that she may be hearing her partner, but she’s not listening to him. When he asks a question, she has no idea what he’s talking about!

She feels like a sloth. If anything falls on the floor, Hannah couldn’t be bothered to pick it up when she doesn’t manage to do this with her toes!

Everything is an effort – even the things Hannah once enjoyed

All her good intentions (yoga, regular exercising, eating only healthy) have gone out the window while Hannah fantasises about the things she’s going to do when her pregnancy is over.

There’s a light at the end of the tunnel – and it’s not a train coming towards her:

Hannah is realistic and knows that this difficult stage of her pregnancy WILL PASS. She sympathises with overweight people who have to deal with a bulky body for life.

Hannah has a new appreciation for her mom and respects her for what she did for herself and her sisters. “I don’t know how she did it – being a single-mom,” Hannah told me. “I don’t know how I would have managed without my partner.”

“I am looking forward to the day when I can go back to work and pick up my career where I left off. Already we are making plans to move into a bigger space where my partner can work from home. I would prefer going to an office – but we will have to wait and see what 2022 brings.”

“I am learning to trust my instincts and listen to my body.”

“Knowing the date for my c-section means I don’t have to worry about when I will go into labour.”

“I know that I must enjoy living in my ‘perfect little bubble’ for now. I don’t think I will ever have this time again.”

Must do tips:

Have your finances in order

Share chores with your partner

Ask for help

Talk to your partner about how you feel about being intimate

Discuss parenting values.