Women love romance! Teenage love is all about the thrill of love-letters, the first kiss, getting a ride home on his motorbike, a plastic rose on Valentine’s Day. As women mature, so does romance. We flirt with suggestive conversation, share a sense of humour, and have fun simply enjoying our man’s company. This naturally includes chocolates, dates, flowers and flattery – making all that preparation and expense worth it! Before you became pregnant, flirtatious love blossomed into passionate, physical love that was strong enough to survive the trials of pregnancy.
And now, you’re Mom and romance needs to be revamped. Your relationship has changed, and little things that would have been ho-hum before are ‘romantic’ e.g. grocery shopping (with him carrying the baby in a kangaroo pouch), watching him talk to your baby, him driving like a pensioner when the baby is in the car, looking after the baby for you while you take a nap / shower / go to book club.
Pepping-up your love life after birth is not easy – but it’s well worth the effort! Slipping into a pattern of sloth because you’re tired is understandable, but if you let it go on for too long, your man is going to take the easy way out and put the blame on you when your relationship fizzles. While you’re slopping around the house in slippers with black rings around your eyes, he’s back at work surrounded by women wearing pencil skirts and gucci heels!
Valentine’s Day is a great opportunity to revive the va-va-voom in your love-life! I remember one special shopping morning I spent with my daughter a few months after her baby-girl was born. We giggled like school-girls in Cardies checking through all the Valentine’s Day paraphernalia and fanaticising about the creams and body chocolate. We went from store to store choosing bits and bobs from here and there to put into the little red boxes we bought from a stationary store. It was great venturing beyond the comfort-zone of superficial conversation. It motivated us both to make the effort to do something about Valentine’s Day.
Men, in my opinion, make the mistake of thinking that once we have had his baby, we are mothers – THEIR mothers! So way off the mark! Men (okay, not ALL men) become practical and instead of buying flowers, they buy you something like a new spare tyre or a clothes dryer! They think it’s easier to eat at home than get a baby-sitter and eat out. When you do go out, he takes you to Spur where it’s crowded with noisy kids! His idea of a ‘family outing’ may be to soccer stadium. Comfort-love may be spending the day with in-laws!
So what to do ladies?
Entertain your imagination and fantasise some ideas. Sift through these again and decide which are doable! Like an events-manager, put some ideas onto paper (this makes them real) and make to-do lists (this will get you going!). It’s vital that you get your head right – you need to see yourself following through, not just buying the ingredients or the goodies. You need to see the evening play out so that you’re focused.
A little bottle of Champaign (even if you’re breastfeeding) is essential to get you relaxed and in the mood. Don’t let little things that go wrong get you down. Stay focused. Follow your plan. Make it simple. Like a first date. Communicate. Slow dance – even if it’s on your balcony or in your living room. Create the mood. Romance your man – and he WILL romance you!
