Motherly love and the development of the brain

When I went to a conference on ‘Infant Mental Health’ at the University of Cape Town many years ago, I became fascinated with the development of the baby’s brain – especially during the formative years (from birth to school-going age).

Child psychiatrist Joan Luby at St Louis Children’s hospital in Washington, has been able to prove that ‘motherly love and nurturing’ can help babies’ brains grow. “When babies are loved, the growth of the part of the brain called the hippocampus (associated with learning, memories and regulating emotions) is enhanced and this in turn has even been linked with ‘healthier emotional functioning’ when the child becomes a teenager!” she said in an interview.  

Luby emphasised that “the parent-child relationship during the preschool period is vital – even more important than when the child gets older.” 

This is pretty important stuff AND also very easy to do! As the Beatles sang in the ‘60’s “all we need is love”. So forget the expensive stuff and just …

•  Enjoy spending time with your child! Whether it’s ten minutes or an hour, focus on your child and make him feel like the most important person in the universe

•  Stop what you are doing, get down to his level so that eye-to-eye, you can ask him what he is nagging you for 

•  Give your child incentives to do mundane, everyday chores 

•  Do things together – it doesn’t have to cost anything. Go to the library, the park, the local sports grounds, amateur theatre or events at your local community centre

•  Don’t spare hugs and kisses! Once your child goes to school, these will be shunned (especially in public) and positively off the grid when he’s a teenager 

•  Spend time in the evenings with your child cuddled on your lap for a story! Not only will this colour his imagination, it will teach your child to love reading, and reading is the best way to learn!

•  Join a parent-support group or go to parenting workshops where speakers who are specialists in their field, offer advice and support. See more details re: Working Mothers Expo.

•  Give yourself ‘time-out’ alone or with your friends where you can enjoy adult company and conversation without interruptions. When you do this, you go home feeling refreshed and revived and ready to give!

Opportunities lost are gone forever. You can’t make it up to your children when you have the money, or the time, or the energy! Just do it. Today.

The meal time tug-of-war

Resolving this tug-of-war situation:

The look of food and its texture. Food may look appetising to you, but yucky to your youngster. One of the vegetables we were served in Malawi was slimy green stuff that looked like algae scooped off the top of a neglected fish pond! Their ‘grilled’ fish was, in my opinion, burnt and the locals couldn’t understand why I left the most ‘delectable bits’ (eyes, head and entrails) untouched on my plate! I also have horrible memories of stodgy, lumpy boarding school porridge, runny eggs and tough, tasteless tripe.  

Neophobia is the fear of trying something new. Picky-eaters have ‘food neophobia’. The experts tell us that this is a protective mechanism so that children sass the safety of their food before they eat it – perhaps this is why toddlers ‘kill’ their food before they eat it! Fussy-eaters can be painfully stubborn when it comes to trying new tastes and textures.

Parents learn by trial and error what their children like and don’t like – especially when it comes to food. Sweet, savoury, soft, firm, crunchy, sour? In time children learn to eat what’s on their plate, but some are more than cautious. They’re meticulous. 

Children who are super-sensitive (called sensory integration problems) are likely to respond negatively to sensory input (sound, smell, taste, touch, bright lights and sunshine). Being super-sensitive to some (or all of their senses) can make these children irritable, tearful, impatient and hyperactive – often misdiagnosed as ADD (attention deficit disorder) – that manifests at meal times. 

Medical problems can turn children into fussy eaters. Mouth ulcers burn, tooth decay causes cavities and tooth sensitivity. Children may be afraid to say anything about this because they’re terrified of the dentist (who isn’t?) Mouth infections like thrush are very painful. Children who don’t outgrow reflux may have chronic heartburn. 

Tips:

•  Get your child checked by a doctor or a dentist

•  If your child has a favourite (providing it’s nourishing) let him/her eat it every day. Children don’t need variety.  

•  Some children like to smother their food in tomato sauce. They’ll outgrow this

•  Give your child 5 small nourishing meals a day

•  Stop all soda’s and fruit-juices loaded with sugar and minimise milk intake – this curbs their appetite

•  Eat as a family around the table rather than in front of the TV. Children learn from example

•  Experiment with a variety of food – and involve your child with the preparations

•  If you’re worried about your child’s social interactive skills, speak to the teacher about occupational therapy.