A new mother often feels guilty about voicing or prioritising her needs. Her idea of being a ‘good mother’ means devoting all her time, energy and resources to her baby. Once-upon-a-time free and independent, she’s tied to her baby 24/7 (especially if she is breastfeeding) while her partner is still free to come and go as he pleases. This is where girlfriends fill the gap, boost morale, douse melt-downs, mop up baby puke, wash dishes and bring you food and solutions when engorged boobs look and feel like watermelons.
Consistent friends: These are forever-friends – even when distance separates you. Usually a friendship that began when you were at school that survived the storms of adolescence, boyfriends, driving school and career. First friends teach you about trust, relationships, respect and responsibility. These qualities become the cornerstones of a stable marriage.
Fun friends: Moms especially need a girl’s night out where she can affirm her identity and simply be! Released from the demands of a baby she’s still learning to understand (and not quite getting right) she can think, talk, respond, laugh and behave like an adult. This helps to release pent-up feelings of baby-frustration, anger and even resentment.
Bestie: Your bestie is the friend you can phone at midnight or midmorning (when your car won’t start) who brings you flowers to cheer-up your day and offers to babysit whenever. Your bestie will tell you that your breasts are leaking or your hair needs washing.
Honest friends: will tell you things you don’t really want to hear but need to know. Quite frankly, your mother fits this category and once the hurt and seething have subsided, a re-awakening and reconciliation is as refreshing as make-up sex.
Professional friends: Back at work you have no choice but to get on with your work colleagues. Professional jealousy is hurtful and demotivating. It can make you feel resentful and humiliated. Getting to the root cause is often an eye-opener, and with a better understanding of each other’s circumstances, can become a lasting friendship enhancing rather than disrupting a working day.
‘People walk all over you either because you invite them to or because you give them no information about your needs’. Lee Bryce.
