Any parent with teenagers will agree with evangel lawmaker Steve Largent when he said that raising teenagers was more stressful than serving in congress! Anthropologist Margaret Mead once wrote that parenting teenagers is something that most parents dread and look back on with the relief of survivors. She describes adolescence as ‘the period in which idealism followed and rebellion against authority waxed strong; a period during which difficulties and conflicts were absolutely inevitable’.
Parenting teenagers has always been difficult (okay, there are a very few exceptions to this rule – but sometimes when teenagers don’t get over their rebelliousness, they can become disillusioned adults). Don’t even think about comparing your youth with your teenager’s life today. You grew up in a very different era: today social media rules, peer pressure is power, teenagers are technologically expedient and they speak another language.
Talking to a teenager is just about impossible. The speak-to-my-hand generation would prefer it if you simply sent a text – even if they are in the same room. Your well-rehearsed conversation can end explosively and leave you seething and feeling hurt and rejected. Your teenager on the other hand may feel misunderstood. This is because teenagers are torn between the responsibilities of adulthood and the colourful fantasy world of childhood they’ve had to leave behind. Too young to be adult, they’re too old to be kids.
Are parents today overprotective or are they too busy with their own lives to be involved with their teenagers to find out what’s going? Babies grow up in crèches, children do their homework at aftercare and teenagers come home to an empty house, eat a microwave meal and watch TV in their bedrooms. Responsible for themselves, teenagers want to do grown-up stuff like smoke, drink and have sex. Many have week-end and after-hours jobs, they’re responsible for helping around the house and bringing up siblings. Their days may be as long and weary as yours.
Here are some tips from Laurence Steinberg’s book: ‘The 10 Basic Principles of Good Parenting’.
1. What you do matters:
Studies have shown that good parenting continues to help teenagers stay out of trouble.
2. You can’t be too loving:
Teens need to be hugged and praised.
3. Stay involved:
It’s even more important now to know what’s going on at school, who your teenager’s friends are and spend time together.
4. Adapt your parenting:
As children grow older, their ability to reason improves. They will challenge you if what you’re asking doesn’t make sense.
5. Set limits:
Without them life is chaotic and uncertain.
6. Foster independence:
Give your teen space to be self-reliant – don’t micromanage them.
7. Explain your decisions:
You can’t say ‘because I said so’ anymore!
