Little do we realise that mothers model her son’s future wife. Her behaviour and the way she is treated by her husband teaches her son how to treat women. It’s up to mothers to teach their sons how to respect a woman’s sexuality and we as mothers need to be vigilant about warning our sons of the dangers of porn and violence. Dad’s do this in a half-hearted way because they’re also thinking ‘TG he’s normal’.
Ideally boys should be nurtured by two parents – a father and a mother who, being opposites that were attracted to one another in the first place, provide a balanced upbringing. Boys need a man in their lives to mentor them, and they also need a mother to nurture them. Single, divorced and part-time parents (both working full day) has become the norm in our materialistic, expensive way of life, and teenagers are bearing the brunt of this weak link. Artificial intelligence, social media, the internet and celebrities-behaving-badly is resonating negatively on our young people, provoking violence and encouraging them to smoke, drink and become sexually active long before their time.
It sounds like a formidable task, but here’s the thing: on the whole, teenage boys are pretty uncomplicated. Give them a phone, food, friends and a fridge, and they’re happy! Brush up on your cooking and your boy will always come home when he is hungry. An added bonus is that he will bring his friends – then at least then you will know where they are and what they are up to!
Don’ts:
• Don’t embarrass your son in front of his friends.
• Never kiss or hug him in public.
• Don’t cheer for him at a match or a game.
• Don’t remind him how bad his skin is looking or remark about the tufts of hair on his chin.
• Don’t choose his clothes for him. The only reason why he is tolerating you at the mall is because you have the credit card in your purse!
Do’s:
• Tell him about girls and their periods.
• Tell him how easy it is to make a girl pregnant or to pick up a STI (many of these for life).
• Re-direct him away from becoming a sloth – teenage boys are notoriously untidy, sloppy and flexible – they readily drape themselves over whatever, wherever and whenever!
• Hint at washing and making himself look good.
• Keep the lines of communication open – grunts, ‘aweh’, ‘sup’ and ‘nah’ are legit answers to questions.
The plus side of teenage boys:
• They’re blunt and tell you as it is – a rude awakening, but there’s truth in what they’re telling you.
• They’re fun and see the funny side of life. Laugh with them – it’s a wonderful release valve.
• They’re really good with other people – these people will tell you what a wonderful son you have, so accommodating, so polite, so helpful!
• Contact sport helps to get rid of pent-up frustrations. Get them onto the field as often as possible.
• When you least expect, your son will openly shower you with affection (okay, there’s usually a modus-operandi for this unusual type of behaviour), but it’s flattering never-the-less.
Above all, make time for your son – especially when he asks you a question or his behaviour rattles your instincts. Stop what you’re doing, look him in the eye and say: ‘Okay, let’s talk’.
* Just One Teenager – an NGO (not-for-profit organization) doctor/nurse team educating teens about growing up and preventing STI’s, HIV and teen pregnancy.
