Life with teenagers

Dealing with teenagers

I enjoy reading the Pajama Diaries in our daily newspaper. They remind us to look on the funny side of life with teenagers.

And, teenagers aren’t always the easiest people to get on with. Called ‘hormonal tinderboxes’, they have emotional highs and lows with outbursts of rage and apathy, so you’re never quite sure where you stand with them. You also have to treat them with kit-gloves when they’re feeling self-conscious, insecure and withdrawn. Teenagers can come across as aggressive, rebellious under-achievers, but under that hard exterior, they’re as soft as putty!

The best way to deal with a teenager is to understand their needs.

Growth spurts:

Teenagers are growing at an alarming rate and using up extra energy doing sports and schoolwork. This is mostly because they’re producing more serotonin than usual. In my experience, teenage boys are always hungry, and they’re grumpy and unreasonable when they are. Girls on the other hand, are figure conscious but can’t help binging when they have period cravings. I suggest you stock up the grocery cupboards and fridge with carbohydrates and protein-rich foods rather than sugars and fats.

Interest in sex:

During puberty, the ovaries and testicles pour oestrogen and testosterone into the bloodstream. This not only initiates and maintains body changes – mostly to their reproductive systems – these hormones also send messages to the pituitary gland in the brain that in turn, sends a series of reproductive hormones back the gonads (ovaries and testicles) telling them what to do.

Naturally, this gives them an appetite for the opposite sex. Don’t leave telling your teenager about the do’s and the don’t when it comes to sex to the school sex-ed. classes, the church youth-group, magazines or the internet. Answer their questions honestly. They’re seriously not interested in your sex life – they only want to know what’s happening to them.

Image:

Today, it’s all about image and money, money, money – which parents don’t always have. You may not be able to buy your teen the trendiest clothes or popular brand labels, but you can teach them that it’s not what you wear, but how you wear it that counts.

Self-confidence begins with grooming – something that boys don’t think much about and girls take very seriously. You will have to dig deeper into your pocket when it comes to essential toiletries. Girls need sanitary pads and tampons, hair-removal kits, manicure sets, quality shampoo and hair conditioners. Boys need shaving gear and deodorant – even when they tell you they don’t. Teenagers soon learn that when you feel good, you look good – and visa-versa!

Friends:

Parents often feel snubbed when teenagers prefer spending time with their friends rather than with family. It’s an independence struggle and parents have to learn to let go – while keeping a ‘third eye’ on who their friends are, where they’re going and what they’re up to. Boys will come home when they’re hungry and a bonus is that when the food is good at home, they’ll bring their friends. Girls may object on the surface when (especially their fathers) insist on meeting their latest boyfriend and interrogating his intent before going on a date – but secretly this makes her secure because it shows that her parents care!

Boosting your teenager’s confidence:

• Giving your teenager responsibilities around the house and for the family may bring on objections, but it will make your teenager feel an important part of the family (especially when these come with financial rewards).
• Love your teenager unconditionally, but never show this affection in public!
• Show an interest in what’s happening in your teenagers’ life without interfering.
• Get your teenager involved when deciding the family rules.
• As difficult as it is to let go, it’s only fair to allow your teenager to become independent. S/he will behave responsibly when you say “I know you will do the right thing”!

How to do this:

Make time for family meals. Sit around the table together, switch off the TV and TALK!

Stick to routine

Teenagers diurnal rhythm changes and they prefer going to bed much later – but keep bed time consistent and week nights for homework and school projects

Make their friends feel welcome

Learn to walk away when the situation looks like it’s getting out of control. Somebody has to be the adult – and that’s inevitably you!

Think thin to lose weight

Weight-loss – doing it right

I saw a friend recently that I haven’t seen for a while and complimented her on how good she is looking now that she has lost weight. She told me that she has finally found a full-time job and is too busy to even think about food. My daughter is breastfeeding and managing to lose even pre-pregnancy weight by burning extra calories. Another friend started going to a dietitian, changed her eating habits and is looking and feeling so good, she has stopped taking antidepressants.

Losing weight isn’t easy. While there are a lucky few who are naturally skinny, there’s the most of us who have to say no to all the delicious goodies out there just waiting to be eaten.

It stands to reason that when there’s a lot of food around, people are going to put on extra weight. Our instinctive greediness in times of plenty, fast-foods and the lack of exercise top the list, but there can be other reasons why you’re putting on weight in spite of counting calories.

• Sleeplessness is often calmed with comfort food that becomes a habit.
• Stress releases extra cortisol and boosts one’s appetite – so we keep snacking.
• Depression gives some people the munchies and antidepressants contribute to weight-gain.
• Long-term steroids like cortisone and contraceptives add fat to the face, neck and tummy.
• As do medications for epilepsy, migraines, diabetes and hypertension.
• An under-active thyroid gland decreases metabolism.
• Menopausal women risk osteoporosis especially of the spine so they get shorter and extra body fat collects around the waist.
• People who stop smoking eat more to curb nicotine cravings.

What can you do about this?

Don’t stop taking prescribed medications without first speaking to your doctor about alternative treatments.

Wear comfortable loose-fitting clothes and learn to ‘think thin’. If you think, feel and behave thin, you will want to stay that way and you’ll eat less.

Dish-up your food on a smaller plate – less will look like more. Eat with a small fork so that each mouthful is a dainty portion and you’re not shoveling food into your mouth.

Eat slowly.

Never go for seconds.

Keep busy and distracted so that you don’t think about food. Ignore food magazines and skip the cooking channels. Take up a hobby instead.

Now for some lifestyle changes:

• Eat brunch when you’re hungry. Keep it simple and nutritious e.g. a peanut-butter/avocado pear sandwich on brown/whole-wheat bread.
• Have an afternoon snack when you’re hungry – fruit, yogurt or vegetable sticks.
• Make sure your supper plate is colourful with something white (carbohydrate), brown (meat, chicken, fish) but mostly green, yellow or red vegetables. Grill don’t fry. Have fruit for dessert.
• Instead of watching TV, walk around the apartment block/townhouse complex or the park for at least 40 minutes every day. Take the kids with you.
• Learn to drink your tea and coffee without sugar. Ban soda’s and fruit juice.
• Boost your self-confidence. Change your hairstyle. Wear outrageous combinations.
• Weight yourself only after 6 weeks. Then reward yourself with something new – even if it’s only a scarf.

Health benefits:

Being the right weight for your height decreases the risk of heart disease, stroke, diabetes, high blood pressure, sleep apnoea, kidney problems, period hassles and fertility issues.

Practical benefits:

You won’t get breathless climbing the stairs or feel embarrassed in small confined spaces. You will be able to get in and out of the car easily, ride a bicycle again and run to catch the bus.

Emotional benefits:

You won’t make an excuse the next time there’s a family function, a school reunion or a church fête. Your confidence levels will soar when people start complimenting you and you will start to love yourself again. You will also enjoy going sales and shopping for new clothes. You will start to live again!  

Infertility in men

Infertility – from a man’s perspective

To understand infertility, one needs to understand fertility.

Fertility:

Sperm facts:

Sperm is the male sex cell. Testosterone helps to make these microscopic, tadpole-like cells in the testicles. Production begins at puberty (when a boy has his first wet dream) and continues into old age. It takes about 74 days for a sperm cell to mature. It has a head, neck and tail. Sperm are stored in the epididymis and they’re ejaculated from here during an orgasm. 

Sperm are propelled through the vas towards the prostate gland where they’re mixed with semen – a sticky, milky mucous that nourishes, protects and helps sperm to swim. The seminal vesicles add extra glucose to the mixture.

Before the sperm exit through the urethra of the penis, the Cowper’s glands secrete the pre-cum to neutralize this normally acidic tube.

Sperm swim 8 inches or 20 centimeters per hour. Most migrate to the cervix (mouth of the woman’s womb) within 90 seconds after ejaculation. Those that stay in the vagina for longer than 2 hours become immobilized.   

Infertility

Problems arise when:

Sperm production is low:

Between 40 and 300 million sperm are needed to fertilize a single egg (ova)! This is because only 50% of the sperm are normal and of these 50% only a few manage to survive the grueling journey from the testicles to the Fallopian tubes. A count of less than 20 million sperm is considered problematic.

What affects sperm production?

Heat – sperm are temperature sensitive. Too cold or too hot and they die. The scrotal sac is designed to deal with this problem. Too hot and the skin stretches so that the testicles hang and cool down. Too cold and the skin contracts, bringing the testicles closer to the body where they’re warmed up. 

Treatment: Change from jocks to boxers and don’t have a hot bath before having sex. Inflammation of the testicles (usually caused by a STI/Sexually Transmitted Infection) must be treated ASAP as should varicocele’s (varicose veins of the testicles and scrotum).

Other factors affecting sperm production:

1. Stress and overwork
2. Diet
3. Smoking – especially marijuana
4. Drinking
5. Some medications e.g. methotrexate used to treat arthritis
6. Undescended testicles
7. Trauma to testicles resulting in antibody reaction. 

Short shelf-life:

Sperm stored too long in the epididymis become immobile.

Solution: Having regular sex replaces and replenishes sperm, ensuring healthy sperm production.

Transporting sperm through the vas:

This delicate tube needs to be undamaged by inflammation caused by infections.

Ejaculation problems:

Erectile dysfunction: Unable to maintain an erection

Premature ejaculation: Besides the normal pre-cum stimulated by the Cowper’s gland, premature ejaculation depletes semen before penetration is achieved.

Retrograde ejaculation: This is when semen is misdirected into the bladder.

These can be medical or psychological causes and should be treated by a urologist, psychologist or sex therapist depending on the cause (see my Facebook insert for details about the urology clinic in Pretoria, South Africa).

And finally, …. oestrogen dominance that’s polluting the environment is affecting fertility in men. This is mostly a by-product of plastics that mimic oestrogen and recycled water from sewerage that contains high levels of oestrogen from women using contraceptives and hormonal replacement therapy. In some countries, this has already affected the fish and alligators where females are outnumbering the male species.

Illustration from ‘The Miracle of Life’: Francisco Redondo 

The how and why of breast-feeding

“Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much” – Helen Keller.

Under the banner of ‘Working Together to Sustain Breast-feeding’, this is the theme of this year’s International Breastfeeding Week (1 – 7 August).

The trend is to go back to breastfeeding – something your own mother may not have done in the 70’s and 80’s. This may have been because the marketing of formula was so good that women believed that artificial feeding was better than breast milk and that only women who couldn’t afford formula, breastfed.

International Breastfeeding Week was started in 1992 to encourage breastfeeding and to improve the overall health of babies around the world.  This week, 170 countries (including South Africa) will celebrate breast feeding.

Is breastfeeding doable?

• Women who are serious about breastfeeding start preparing during pregnancy. This means having the right mindset to breastfeed, and talking to her girlfriends already wearing the T-shirt, how to get it right.
• Today we know the importance of the first ‘magic hour’ after the birth. It’s when baby is most alert and will look for the mother’s nipple when left on her abdomen. The baby’s primitive crawling instinct will help him/her to propel him/herself towards the mother’s breast and home in to the nipple in his/her own time and pace. This helps to establish bonding and breastfeeding.
• When the baby learns to latch correctly, breastfeeding problems i.e. cracked nipples, engorged breasts or ‘not enough milk’, can be prevented.
• During the first few days after birth, the baby is breastfed every two to three hours to help mom and baby learn breastfeeding techniques. During this time, the baby feeds on colostrum – a highly concentrated form of breast milk. One teaspoonful of this ‘magic milk’ satisfies baby’s appetite, helps to clear the gut of meconium (baby’s first poo), that in turn helps to prevent/manage jaundice, lines the gut to help prevent allergies, and helps to establish the immune system.
• While baby is a new born (first six weeks) mom should eat a healthy diet with lots of liquids, and rest/relax when baby sleeps.
• Breastfeeding facilities should be provided at malls, and mothers should not be made to feel uncomfortable when breastfeeding in public.
• In the ideal world, the workplace would provide nurseries for mom’s returning to work. Or at the very least, a comfortable, secluded room to express their milk and store it in a small fridge.
• Breastfeeding mothers need support and encouragement from her spouse, friends and family, doctor, clinic sister and the public in general. 

The plus-side to breastfeeding:

Breast-milk contains EVERYTHING a baby needs in the first six months of life. This includes good microbes that constantly replenishes the baby’s immature immune system and protects him/her from infections and other illnesses.

Colostrum is the ‘super-food’ of the new born. This super-concentrated ‘first milk’ is low in fat, high in carbohydrates and protein and easily digested by the new-born.

The nutritional and immunological makeup of breast-milk changes every day according to the baby’s needs. Fed straight from the breast, the milk is sterile and at the right temperature.

The more often a new-born is fed in the first two weeks of life, the better the mother’s milk supply will be.

Women also burn at least 1,000 calories a day by breastfeeding. This helps her to lose the extra kilograms gained during pregnancy.