Tuesday 24 October 2017

Help your child cope with bullying

What to do about bullying

October is Bullying Prevention Month. Bullying is a symptom of a lawless society and one of the biggest problems in schools today. It’s not only physical bullying that’s on the increase, emotional and cyber-bullying is too.

When my son was bullied at school in grade 7, I knew that he had to learn to stand up for himself, and that intervening would make the situation worse. So, I suggested that we bake a batch of ‘Brooklax’ cookies for him to take to school and teach the bullies a lesson. (Brooklax is a ‘chocolate’ laxative).

I bought two boxes of the stuff, grated it and added it to the biscuit mix. We had great fun imagining the chaos that would erupt in the classroom after lunch break – or later the next afternoon on the sports field. We left the biscuits on a wire-rack to cool with strict instructions to the rest of the family not to sample any – if they chose to, they did so at their own risk!

When my husband came home from work, we managed to warn him in time before he sampled a cookie. But he was not impressed and said that I, a nurse of all people, was behaving irresponsibly! So, I threw the cookies away. But I considered the exercise a success because my son and I had had a good laugh and this seemed to quell his inhibitions. It was the last I heard of the problem.

Bulling amongst girls comes in the way of bitchiness. When my daughter was continually demeaned by a girl in her class, I suggested she take her a slab of chocolate (no Brooklax this time) to sweeten the friendship. As a result, they became firm friends. It turned out the girl’s parents were going through a really ugly divorce at the time.

I appreciate that these are really minor examples of bullying, but the point I want to make is that it is how parents and teachers react to bullying that’s important. Inevitably the bully is punished, exiled or even expelled and this only expounds the problem for the bully – whose trouble-making was a cry for help in the first place.

The profile of a bully is a child/teenager who is often withdrawn, seemingly ungrateful, stubborn and sulky, defensive with extreme mood changes, who can’t control their temper. Some of these characteristics may stem from genetic make-up, an unhappy family with issues like depression, dependency or divorce. As a result, the child has a poor self-image, may always get into trouble at school and gets their revenge by hurting others.

Why do children become bullies?

For some children who are brought up in institutions or foster homes, bullying is their survival. Living on the dingy side of town where gangs, drugs, alcohol and poverty is part of its make-up, initiates children into bullying as a way of life.

Problems at home such as illness, the death of a parent, abusive partners, sexual assault and illegal immigration that forces families to live on the edge of survival, erupts when children lash out at ‘privileged’ children at school or in the neighbourhood as a way of coping with their own anger and frustrations.

Children who are constantly criticized or belittled by their parents, become accustomed to this type of communication, and doing this to other children is their way of coping. Children who are always disappointed by their parents, never learn trust or responsibility.  

How do you know when your child is being bullied?

Children often hide bullying. They feel humiliated and ashamed and don’t like talking about it – even to their parents. Tell-tale signs like torn clothes, cuts and bruises should alert parents. If there are no physical signs, children can become withdrawn and behave differently – they may not want to eat or overeat, become diligent or slack, start getting poor grades at school or become aggressive at home.

What can parents do if their child is bullied?

Make time to talk to your child. Take a walk to the shops or go for a milk-shake. If your child is a teenager, go to the park (remember they don’t want their friends to see them at the mall with their parents).

Be calm. Give your child the chance to tell you the whole story without interruptions. Discuss options. Make decisions and act on these. Talk about the progress.
If the bullying continues or the issues are beyond your control, make an appointment to speak to the school principal. It may be necessary for authorities to step in before the situation gets out of hand.


Above all, teach your child confidence. Learning to take control of the situation will teach your child a valuable life lesson. After all, bullies are not limited to childhood. We have to learn how to deal with them in everyday in adult-life too.