How do
you break the news when bad things happen to you?
Bad things happen to all of us. When it does, you’re
thrown into UNCHARTERED TERRITORY. Territory you’ve done your best to avoid.
When bad things happen to you, it’s
a scary. You feel alone and isolated. Your life is unexpectedly turned
upside-down. Everything you have worked so hard for is pulled from under your
feet. The cause could be a devastating fire, retrenchment or a robbery. Your
life can be changed in a flash after a car, aeroplane or work-place accident. Life
is never the same after the loss of a spouse, child or parent. How do you cope when you’re diagnosed with a
terminal or chronic illness, infertility or HIV? What do you do when your
teenager tells you they’re gay, pregnant or has a STI (Sexually Transmitted
Disease)? Who do you turn to when somebody you love is taking drugs, drinking
and wasting their life?
Feeling helpless can send you into
a spiral of depression and self-pity. Everyday becomes a nightmare of trying to
cope with the everyday demands of living while drowning in a whirlpool of
anxiety and stress. People’s pity lasts no more than three months – then they
move on. It's to be expected. They’ve got problems of their own, and trying to deal
with yours will only put a noose around their necks.
You have no choice but to pick yourself up,
dust yourself off and start all over again!
Don’t be in a hurry to do this – do
it when you’re ready.
Fortunately we have a few instinctive coping mechanisms. Endorphins overrule pain and adrenalin initiates
the fight/flight reflex whenever there’s crises. When you hit the replay
button, you are amazed how well you coped at the time. But now, dealing with the
aftermath, when reality hits the fan, means that you need super-staying-power,
strength and resilience. In her book “Pack up your Gloomees in a Great Big Box,
then sit on them and laugh!” Barbara Johnson writes: “Do whatever it takes to
make yourself more comfortable.
Think of yourself for a change!”
When bad things happen to you, who do you
tell?
- Tell immediate family – otherwise they will come to their own conclusions, and these could be way off the mark
- Spare the old folk too much detail. This of course depends on circumstances, their emotional strength and resilience. The news may be too much of a shock for them, or it may stress them unnecessarily – and what can they do anyway?
- Tell a few trusted friends.
- Only tell those who you think will be supportive – not the gossip-mongers!
- Tell your boss so that s/he understands your situation.
As Barbara writes: “You
are in for the long-haul; Share your problem with a few who can encourage
you spiritually. Do whatever will help you get your priorities in order to keep
your home together.”
Pamper yourself – be selfish sometimes!
Above all: remember that FAITH WILL GET YOU THROUGH!
When I was diagnosed with Lupus I
wondered how I was going to cope. I knew that God had already helped me through
many crises situations in my life. One morning while waiting to see the doctor
at the hospital, the nurse gave the patients a little pep-talk. After
emphasising the importance of looking after our clinic card, honouring
appointments and taking our medication, she reminded us that it was Friday and
that we were to behave over the week-end! Then she said a little prayer.
Suddenly tears welled
uncontrollably from my eyes and fell like raindrops onto my lap. I had been bottling-up
how I was feeling for months, blocking my emotions and avoiding the reality of
my situation. Glynis, a fellow-patient sitting next to me, took me to the
canteen for a cup of coffee. Then she prayed over me. I coped a lot better
after that melt-down.
Get practical. Do your paper-work.
Write a will. Have a funeral policy. Live each day, not as your last, but as
your FIRST.
Tip: Read Isiah 41:13
“For I, the Lord your God, hold
your right hand; It is I who say to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you’”.
Picture: Photograph I took on a
sea-cruise to Walvis Bay.
