When
can I hold my baby?
After hours of agonising labour, all
that you want, is to hold your baby. Sometimes, this doesn’t happen. Sometimes
it can be hours, days, weeks or even months before parents can cuddle their new
baby. Wretched is the only word I can think of when this happens. There are so
many questions: why, what if, and if only. It helps when family is supportive
and doctors and nurses are friendly and understanding.
Let’s try and understand why
complications happen, and what you can do to cope during this stressful time.
Obstetrics (babies and birth) is unpredictable.
I learned this early in my midwifery training. Many a trouble-free pregnancy
became nightmare births yet some complicated pregnancies were quick and easy
deliveries. Ante-natal care has made childbirth safer. Problems are picked up
early so that complications can be avoided, corrected or minimised. But sometimes,
Mother Nature has a way of sneaking up on us, and catches us off guard.
As soon as your baby is born, your
doctor will assess how well your baby is coping. This quick assessment is
called the APGAR and is a score out of 10 points: two points each for colour,
cry, reflex, breathing and heart rate. Babies who score 8 - 10 are doing well.
A score of less than 8 (but improving) may need some help. A low and
deteriorating score calls for intervention or even resuscitation.
If you’ve had a few problems during
your pregnancy, it’s very likely that there may be a few glitches at the birth
(that was most likely a planned c-section) and these will, in one way or
another, affect your baby. Most couples don’t pay much attention to Neonatal
High Care when they have their ‘hospital tour’ – I know I didn’t when my youngest
was prem – so it comes as a bit of a shock when your precious baby is admitted
to the unit with monitors, beepers, incubators and machines. It’s really scary.
Your arms are empty when you’re
separated from your baby. Besides an aching heart, your body is aching from
surgery or the birth. Nurses and midwives are bustling busy and other mothers,
in dressing gowns and slippers, are looking after their babies. It’s a
double-whammy when you’re together in the same ward.
When you’ve been seen by the doctor
and drips and catheters have been taken out, and it’s all good with the doctor,
ask a nurse to take you in the wheelchair to see your baby. Take what you will
need with you because you could be there for an hour or more – depending on how
well you’re coping.
Give yourself time to take it all
in when you get to the ICU. Don’t be surprised if you just want to run away or
burst into tears. It’s a normal reaction. It’s hard on dad’s too (and they’re
not allowed to cry).
Always wash your hands with the
sanitiser at the door and you may be asked to wear a gown over yours.
Unnecessary noise is kept to a minimum so as not to startle the babies. Lights
are often dimmed and some units play quiet, soothing classical music.
The nursing sisters are specially
trained to work in these units, and can answer all your questions. Remember
that while this is a once-in-a-lifetime-experience for you, it’s their everyday
work. There are no stupid questions and it’s better to ask the sister looking
after your baby than googling the answer.
Unfortunately, only parents are
allowed to visit these units. With special permission, Grandparents may be
granted one visit only. It’s important that you prep them what to do, and
remind them not to ask too many questions – or to be inquisitive about other
babies in the unit.
Learn how to express your breast
milk – it’s an important connection with your baby. Ask about
kangaroo-Mothercare and when it will be possible to hold your baby
skin-to-skin. Don’t be afraid to hold your new-born – the sister will be there
to guide you every step of the way. Please don’t try and do anything on your
own or without the sister’s permission or guidance.
Moms worry about other children at
home. This is when family and friends can help – they can offer to look after siblings,
bring meals and help with chores like the washing and cleaning.
Teeny-tiny preemies can be in
hospital for months. It can become a tedious routine for parents and is a very
stressful time, especially when there are setbacks and complications.
Fortunately, medical science has advanced, and miracles do happen. I believe in
the power of prayer and positive thinking. Emotional support from family and
friends cannot be measured.
The day will come when you can
bring your baby home. Sometimes this even comes as a shock to parents because
they have closed their minds to this possibility. Then it’s a dizzying rush to
have everything ready and some parents worry if they can cope.
Make it a special day for sibling
and YOUR family only. I had a little welcome ‘party’ for the children with a
chocolate cake and candles when their baby brother came home. Sorry, but
friends, family and grandparents aren’t invited to this little party. The family needs time to adapt and settle in
with their baby, and to feel comfortable with a new routine. They need to bond
with their baby brother/sister who until now, has only been a rumour.
Work and the worries don’t stop
there – but the family is over their first hurdle. Preemies are a lot of work
when they come home. More about this in next month’s blog.
