Victoria Young, journalist and
author of “Things I Wish I’d Known: Women Tell the Truth About Motherhood” confesses
in her article “The Power of Yes” (Good Housekeeping, June 2019) that
motherhood, exhaustion, routine and the responsibility of earning a living left
her housebound and recluse. It was only when a friend pointed out that her
spirit of adventure had seriously faded since the birth of her son, that she
admitted she had become boring.
It’s not only motherhood that turns
us into ‘I can’t’ women; overcommitment, burnout, work pressure, special-needs
children, sick or dependent parents, illness, the loss of a life-long partner
and retirement can do the same. When cabin fever sets in, people feel
overwhelmed and the simplest tasks like shopping, visiting friends – even going
to church – become ‘too much’ and it’s just easier to say ‘no’ to invites and
opportunities. Friends, family, and community are sympathetic to a point – three months max. After that, it’s up to you. You can choose to either pick yourself
up and start saying ‘yes’ to invitations, or pull up the bedcovers, close the
curtains and go back to sleep!
Victoria’s advice on how to revive
your ‘get up and go’ is to give yourself one simple goal every week. “Small
achievements give you more confidence; once you achieve one thing, you will
start setting set yourself bigger and bigger goals because you know that you
can do them.”
Five ways to get out of the ‘no’ rut; Nina Grunfeld (founder of
lifeclubs.co.uk)
- Don’t think too much. Overthinking an invite often makes you decide against going.
- Reignite old passions. Restart a hobby, get in touch with an old friend, go somewhere where you were happy.
- Create opportunities for change. Join a new group, sign up for a short course or volunteer.
- Face your fears. Aim to do something every day that slightly scares or challenges you.
- Make a wishlist. Write down the things you’ve always wanted to do but have never tried. Then work out how you can do them.
Illustration: Dreamstime.com
