Starting school

Schooling years should teach your child:

•  Social skills

•  How to develop their unique intelligence

•  To learn languages 

•  To ask questions and keep looking for the right answers. 

•  How well your child copes with school will depend on his/her health, personality traits and what’s happening at home.

Health:  

Children don’t enjoy school if they’re always sick. When a child has a known illness, this should be discussed with the teacher at the start of every new school year. Children’s eyesight, hearing, teeth and diet should be checked regularly. In an ideal world every school has a school nurse to do this. In the absence of school nurses, parents need to be vigilant and take action when they think there is a problem. Teachers also need to be on the look-out. 

Sometimes simple things like worms, hunger or sugar overload can affect a child’s concentration. Additives, colourants and food preservatives can make some children agitated and hyperactive. 

•  Family meals should be balanced: fruit and vegetables, proteins and carbohydrates in proportion to age and activity

•  Outdoor play-time should override indoor TV time to boost exercise and fun in the sun

•  Children need at least 12 hours undisturbed sleep every night.

Personality:

Studies in the 1950’s by a group of New York doctors, Chess, Thomas and Birch identified nine personality traits in children. 

School classrooms are filled with children who learn very differently. Teachers don’t have the time or the capacity to focus on every child’s personality. Children have to learn to conform to the system and parents need to help them do this. 

1.  Activity level: Even before they’re born, some children are hyperactive in the womb, summersaulting and using the umbilical cord as a jump rope. These children thrive on testing boundaries.  Other children who are naturally docile, prefer to watch, wait and see

2.  Predictable: Some babies seem to follow instructions from baby books and magazines! They thrive on routine. But other children get bored and even agitated with the same-old, same-old and need creative outlets to keep them motivated 

3.  Children respond differently to new situations or events, even tastes, sights or experiences. While some are keen to try something new, others are cautious, hesitant or even afraid

4.  Adaptability: While some children struggle when circumstances change, others adapt with ease 

5.  Environment: Some children may be sun / noise / cold sensitive and this can affect their mood or behaviour

6.  Every child’s response intensity varies – e.g. either they cry, object, protest very loudly or simply sulk, withdraw or cry 

7.  Children are born with a unique personality. While some are optimistically cheerful, others are serious and gloomy. Most are a little bit of both!

8.  Focus and concentration: Some children quickly engage and become engrossed in an activity. Others quickly lose interest

9.  Intensity of concentration: This depends on whether the child is easily distracted or not.

Circumstances at home:

Children need the security of a happy home where they feel safe and loved. They need to feel part of the family. When parents are disorganized, children feel insecure. They do well at school if:

•  They’re encouraged to be creative. TV, computer games and i-pad time should be limited

•  The family spends outdoor time together 

•  When parents pay attention to their child e.g. when he finds something unusually exciting or has a problem to work through

•  The family can turn everyday circumstances into a game

•  When parents take the time to listen and talk to their child 

It’s also important to develop self-esteem and confidence in children:

•  Love teaches children trust and confidence 

•  Listen to your child and show a genuine interest when he has a problem 

•  Treat your child with respect 

•  Have realistic expectations. 

Time to face 2016

I understand that life is not all about ‘happy holidays’ and ‘walking on the sunny side of the street’. Every day brings new challenges that we can’t avoid. As a new mom you may be struggling with coping with motherhood – an almost alien word today. Your confidence may be shattered after trying to understand this tiny baby who does not comply with advice from friends and family, magazines, baby-books and blogs! Every minute of every hour in every day is taken up by your baby – and your nerves may feel like tightly stretched violin strings! But remember, when the bow gently caresses these strings they can make beautiful music!

Bring this music into your every day:

Accept the situation: Don’t hanker after your ‘past life’ and mourn the loss of independence and ‘self’. Don’t take things personally either – your baby does not mean to make life difficult for you. Talk to other moms – knowing that you’re not alone helps.

Re-circuit your brain: Learn to ‘switch-off’ negative currents (your body is different, maternity-leave has left you feeling lonely and derailed, your partner has no idea how you feel) and ‘switch-on’  positive currents – get organized, pre-plan outings, make time for yourself (even if it’s only a luxurious candle-lit-champagne-bubble bath!)  

Nurture ‘happiness hormones’ without chemicals: Take up jogging (begin by walking), dance (with your baby) or go back to gym. Bake a tray of cup-cakes or cookies, read, start a vegetable garden, revive dormant talents – draw, sing, join a knitting or sewing circle, go back to book-club!

Spend time with positive people: I found these in organizations like Toastmasters International, La Leché League, Writers 2000, MAD (Make A Difference) knitters, CIA (Christians In Action). Your librarian or church pastor may have contact details. 

Register for a short-course: Learn another language; or cake-icing, how to sew or make wicker baskets, chocolate Easter eggs, micro-wave cooking, gourmet meals or healthy eating. These are usually offered at the community centre. They’re fun, inexpensive and balance your life. 

Learn to pray: Surviving is a daily challenge. Every day means starting all over again! There is no fairy godmother to wave her magic wand or Mary Poppins to snap her fingers! We have to do it for ourselves. Praying is very easy really. It’s simply communicating with God within.     

Stop worrying: It’s like praying for something you don’t want to happen!

Trust your instincts: Listen to the voice from within. It’s usually right!

Keep a diary: It helps to document your aspirations and successes.

Thank God for your blessings: Your baby’s first smile, an act of kindness (when you least expect it), refreshing rain, warm sunshine, water when you’re thirsty, companionship from your partner, true friends who understand you.

Do something for somebody else – their appreciation will treble your happiness!

The fear factor

The reality check ladies is that labour and giving birth looks worse when it’s somebody else’s! Agreed, at the time you feel as though you are going to die, but squirming, rocking, walking, cursing, blaming your partner – ‘this is all your fault!’ – does help you to get through contractions. The good news too is that there are breaks between contractions when you have no pain and briefly feel human.  During these breathers you get the chance to regain some of your dignity and prepare for the next contraction.

Over the years I’ve learned to use the power of my mind to deal with pain and difficult situations, to trust my instincts, ask for help when I need it and leave the rest to my body. Giving birth, feeding babies and nurturing family is what we’re hard-wired to do ladies. Somehow, no matter the circumstances - we manage!  

Remember too that (providing we’re healthy) the body is self-healing. Our invincible hormonal system tirelessly readjusts and rebalances major systems, with instructions to either fight or flee. Not only are our hormones an invisible behind-the-scenes back-up and support system, they’re also there to do the ‘mopping-up’. 

Like prostaglandins. These hormones play their part in ovulation, menstruation and labour – helping the womb to contract and relax. They’re made by a chemical reaction where and when they’re needed. Prostaglandins also deal with injury then disappear when their task is done. 

Prostaglandins are balanced by endorphins. These ‘morphine-like’ hormones bring pain relief – even euphoria. As birth approaches your body also releases adrenaline and noradrenaline. These opposing hormones give you a surge of energy during strong expulsive contractions. The combination of these hormones will help you birth your baby and get you through the next few days after the birth when you have to deal with after-birth pain and discomforts. 

Another hormone called relaxin may be giving you a hard time now. This hormone softens and relaxes pelvic joints making it easier for baby to negotiate the birth passage. In the final stages of pregnancy relaxin can make your pelvis slightly unstable, resulting in a waddle-walk and backache. Exercise with supervision. This is one time when ‘no pain no gain’ does not apply!

Enjoying the last phase of your pregnancy

• Lemon water, fresh ginger tea, cream crackers and grated apple help with ‘morning’ sickness – it sometimes comes back at the end of your pregnancy

• Exercise every day: walk, swim, dance to your favourite music

• Don’t cut your hair really short – it makes your face look fatter

• Buy only one or two smart maternity outfits and lose-fitting tops

• Speak to women with babies. Ask them about the clinic, immunisations, baby-sitters and day care

• Make special time for you and your partner – there won’t be much of it once baby gets here! 

• Try drinking a cup of warmed milk before you go to sleep

• Heartburn can return with a vengeance towards the end of your pregnancy. Stick to small, bland but nutritious meals

• Pregnancy is not an excuse to binge eat. Losing the extra weight can take a life-time!

• From 8 months onwards, be prepared for labour – suitcase packed, legs waxed, toenails painted, lists made, food in the cupboards

• Breathe through ‘Braxton-Hicks’ contractions and use these to practice for labour

• Teach yourself relaxation techniques. Use your imagination to visualise a ‘happy place’ when you’re stressed or can’t sleep

• Communicate with your partner – he has no idea how you’re feeling or what’s going on in your head!

• Speak to your doctor about recommended methods of pain relief when you’re in labour

• Forget about ‘birth plans’ – everything goes out the window when you’re in pain!

How your breasts change during your pregnancy...

October has been coloured pink for Breast Cancer Awareness. Tree-trunks wrapped in pink cloth, walkathons and marathons, and ‘Pink Tea Parties’ to raise funds for breast cancer awareness. Staff (men included) are wearing pink to work. I’m sporting a pink ribbon. Magazines are carrying heart-warming stories about breast cancer survivors. Education and awareness is key. But besides encouraging women to give themselves regular breast examinations and to go for mammograms, getting to the heart of where cancer is coming from, is perhaps more important. 

Breasts and periods:

The link between breasts and periods is by way of a hormone called oestrogen. Oestrogen is an essential ingredient of our femininity. 

•  Oestrogen boosts our mood and makes us feel sexy

•  It keeps skin plump and moist (delaying wrinkles) 

•  Retains natural hair colour and buoyancy (noticed how hair sometimes becomes curly after puberty?) and shine!

•  Oestrogen gives us energy, it helps us get things done! 

During the first half of every menstrual cycle, oestrogen is made in the ovary by the ova (eggs) in preparation for ovulation (the release of the egg) and consequent fertilisation. 

Ovulation happens about mid-cycle (a cycle is calculated from the first day of one period to the first day of the next period). Besides preparing the womb and cervix (mouth of the womb) for fertilisation, oestrogen prepares certain ‘target cells’ in the breast for breastfeeding – namely the breast ducts.

As helpful as oestrogen is, it has some drawbacks. Because this hormone stimulates cells to multiply it is called carcinogenic – in other words, ‘cancer-causing’. Luckily the oestrogen-ovulation-peak only lasts about 5 days of the menstrual cycle, and oestrogen effects are balanced by another hormone, progesterone, that’s produced after ovulation. This ‘balancing act’ only occurs with natural menstrual cycles (i.e. not ‘pill’ cycles). 

During pregnancy, oestrogen and progesterone are made by the placenta (not the ovaries) and their task is to maintain the pregnancy and prepare the woman’s body for the birth, and breastfeeding. By the sixth month, breast ducts (channels) and alveoli (these look like bunches of grapes where the milk is made) are fully developed, and this is where colostrum comes from. 

This also means that by this stage of your pregnancy, your breasts have nearly reached the final stages of development (this is completed with breastfeeding – ideally for a year). After weaning, when your menstrual cycles return to normal, breast tissue will no longer be ‘oestrogen sensitive’ because they’re fully matured – thus sparing them the carcinogenic effects of oestrogen.

In this way, pregnancy and breastfeeding helps to protect a women’s breasts from cancer.

Please note that there are many types of breast cancer – pregnancy and breastfeeding is not a guarantee that you will not get breast cancer. It is only one of the many protective mechanisms.