Help your child cope with bullying

What to do about bullying

October is Bullying Prevention Month. Bullying is a symptom of a lawless society and one of the biggest problems in schools today. It’s not only physical bullying that’s on the increase, emotional and cyber-bullying is too.

When my son was bullied at school in grade 7, I knew that he had to learn to stand up for himself, and that intervening would make the situation worse. So, I suggested that we bake a batch of ‘Brooklax’ cookies for him to take to school and teach the bullies a lesson. (Brooklax is a ‘chocolate’ laxative).

I bought two boxes of the stuff, grated it and added it to the biscuit mix. We had great fun imagining the chaos that would erupt in the classroom after lunch break – or later the next afternoon on the sports field. We left the biscuits on a wire-rack to cool with strict instructions to the rest of the family not to sample any – if they chose to, they did so at their own risk!

When my husband came home from work, we managed to warn him in time before he sampled a cookie. But he was not impressed and said that I, a nurse of all people, was behaving irresponsibly! So, I threw the cookies away. But I considered the exercise a success because my son and I had had a good laugh and this seemed to quell his inhibitions. It was the last I heard of the problem.

Bulling amongst girls comes in the way of bitchiness. When my daughter was continually demeaned by a girl in her class, I suggested she take her a slab of chocolate (no Brooklax this time) to sweeten the friendship. As a result, they became firm friends. It turned out the girl’s parents were going through a really ugly divorce at the time.

I appreciate that these are really minor examples of bullying, but the point I want to make is that it is how parents and teachers react to bullying that’s important. Inevitably the bully is punished, exiled or even expelled and this only expounds the problem for the bully – whose trouble-making was a cry for help in the first place.

The profile of a bully is a child/teenager who is often withdrawn, seemingly ungrateful, stubborn and sulky, defensive with extreme mood changes, who can’t control their temper. Some of these characteristics may stem from genetic make-up, an unhappy family with issues like depression, dependency or divorce. As a result, the child has a poor self-image, may always get into trouble at school and gets their revenge by hurting others.

Why do children become bullies?

For some children who are brought up in institutions or foster homes, bullying is their survival. Living on the dingy side of town where gangs, drugs, alcohol and poverty is part of its make-up, initiates children into bullying as a way of life.

Problems at home such as illness, the death of a parent, abusive partners, sexual assault and illegal immigration that forces families to live on the edge of survival, erupts when children lash out at ‘privileged’ children at school or in the neighbourhood as a way of coping with their own anger and frustrations.

Children who are constantly criticized or belittled by their parents, become accustomed to this type of communication, and doing this to other children is their way of coping. Children who are always disappointed by their parents, never learn trust or responsibility.  

How do you know when your child is being bullied?

Children often hide bullying. They feel humiliated and ashamed and don’t like talking about it – even to their parents. Tell-tale signs like torn clothes, cuts and bruises should alert parents. If there are no physical signs, children can become withdrawn and behave differently – they may not want to eat or overeat, become diligent or slack, start getting poor grades at school or become aggressive at home.

What can parents do if their child is bullied?

Make time to talk to your child. Take a walk to the shops or go for a milk-shake. If your child is a teenager, go to the park (remember they don’t want their friends to see them at the mall with their parents).

Be calm. Give your child the chance to tell you the whole story without interruptions. Discuss options. Make decisions and act on these. Talk about the progress.

If the bullying continues or the issues are beyond your control, make an appointment to speak to the school principal. It may be necessary for authorities to step in before the situation gets out of hand.

Above all, teach your child confidence. Learning to take control of the situation will teach your child a valuable life lesson. After all, bullies are not limited to childhood. We have to learn how to deal with them in everyday in adult-life too. 

What to do when your baby has diarrhea

Diarrhea in babies

Not exactly the topic for a tea party, but never-the-less important – especially for new moms who worry about anything out of the ordinary!

When do I know my baby has diarrhea?

Newborns have a variety of soft stools, and these are not necessarily diarrhea. Meconium is the first stool – it’s a sticky, tarry-black colour and is made up of mucous waste collected in the intestines during the pregnancy. Breast-fed babies have very soft (often frothy) greenish, yellowish, mustard-coloured stools at first. This change in colour is a good sign and means that the gut is absorbing and excreting extra bilirubin – the waste product of broken-down red blood cells. Frequent, soft stools (about half an hour after feeding) is normal – so don’t stress about it.

Teething babies often have soft runny stools that cause nappy rash. This is probably because they’re dribbling so much, their salivary glands are over-stimulated by chewing on everything – especially car keys that aren’t exactly sterile!

Babies stools change in colour, smell and consistency when you introduce solids. This is normal and nothing to worry about. Chronic diarrhea without symptoms of illness when formula is introduced may be caused by a lactose intolerance. Soy-based, lactose-free formula can be used to help baby during this transition from breast to bottle feeding.  

Diarrhea caused by an infection comes with vomiting and a fever. Babies can quickly lose up to 5% of body weight over 24 hours. When this happens, it’s important to spoon-feed small, frequent amounts of re-hydration fluid and get medical help. Don’t give your baby medicine for diarrhea.

Babies younger than 6 months with watery stools for 24 hours should be taken to the doctor.

What can I do when my baby has diarrhea?

It’s a mistake to stop feeds – especially breast feeding. Fluids are essential to replace those that are lost with diarrhea – especially in babies younger than 6 months – and vomiting babies. Extra re-hydration fluids (at room temperature) should be given with a teaspoon every 10 – 20 minutes (this minimises the chances of vomiting) until you can see the doctor.

Re-hydration fluid recipe:

Six (6) level teaspoons of Sugar

Half (1/2) level teaspoon of Salt

One Litre (4 cups 250 mls each) boiled and cooled clean water.

Babies with diarrhea who are older than 6 months and eating solids can be given mashed banana, jelly and grated apple or soft cooked white rice.

What is lactose intolerance?

Your baby’s gut is lined with minuscule ‘fingers’ that absorb the nutrients from his diet. Diarrhea can damage these fingers so that they stop producing certain enzymes (lactase and sucrose) that absorb milk carbohydrates. Formula with lactose can prolong diarrhea and also cause colic, flatulence, abdominal pain and even weight loss.

Preventing diarrhoea:

Before baby starts crawling, scrub and sterilise all bottles, teats and dummies. Make sure your hands are clean before preparing baby’s feeds. Babies younger than 6 months only need breast-milk or formula. Juices and teas can be introduced later.

When introducing juice, give your baby 100% fresh fruit juice diluted (50/50) with cooled, boiled water. Don’t give him artificially sweetened juices, cola’s or soda’s.

Only use modified cow’s milk formulas for babies younger than one year. After his first birthday, you can give your baby full-cream cow’s milk – initially diluted 50/50, gradually strengthening it – to check for intolerance.

Christmas preparation tips

Family Feuds and Christmas Festivities

Shopping today, I noticed that Christmas paraphernalia has hit the shelves. It got me thinking that it’s that time of the year when we either dread or look forward to family reunions. Like it or not, the time has come to start planning Christmas festivities and family traditions.

I remember the bliss of childhood innocence when Christmas was magic – no matter what the circumstances were. We lived for the day when Father Christmas mysteriously arrived, brought presents and ate the Christmas cookies. The tree, the lights and the tinsel – aunties and uncles, cousins and friends, the turkey, Christmas hats and tickies in hot Christmas pudding smothered with creamy custard.

Little did we realise the work that went into it all. The saving, the shopping, the slogging over a hot oven and bringing family together despite any unpleasantness that had fractured relationships during the year. You see, it’s important to repair broken links before the family chain is shattered by misunderstandings and mistakes we’ve made. It’s good to get the New Year off to a clean start when we sing Old Lang Syne!

Just one time during the year do we get teary-eyed and laugh; the nursery-school pantomime, the church services, the carol singing, the comrade of the congregation. When the world stands still while the children search the star-studded sky for the lights on Father Christmas’s sleigh!

Remember that as a couple, opposites attract, so family from both sides are going to be very different!  Even though women have (to some degree) domesticated men, they’re never-the-less still aggressive, territorial and competitive. When it comes to social skills, accept that they’re likely to bring their office to the party and discuss business and politics while they huddle around the braai. If you seriously want to avoid confrontations, stagger events and invite family and friends you know will get along.

Some families are lucky to have a house and garden big enough to fit everybody – but it’s hard on them when they’re expected to do the catering year after year. It’s a good idea to rotate the host family, and to get everybody involved. Children often complain that they are bored during the school holidays – get them busy making Christmas decorations and presents – there are so many ideas on the internet.

If you’re a list person, here are a few suggestions to get started:

• Use up everything in the fridge, freezer and cupboards. Give them a good clean and then stock up for Christmas and New year
• Make a list of gifts, and buy one or two every time you go shopping
• Decide on a colour theme and get the kids to help with the decorations
• Write a to-do list e.g. garden, tidy cupboards, sort children’s clothes for the holiday etc.
• Go through the children’s clothes before you shop for new so that you know don’t duplicate. Good second-hand clothing can be donated to a charity shop or children’s home
• Go through your children’s toys and sport equipment.  Scrub those that they have outgrown, dress up the dolls and put games and puzzles together for children who are less fortunate. It’s good to teach children that Christmas is also about giving and not only getting!

Most important, pick up the phone and speak to the person you have avoided this year. Make amends. It’s surprisingly easier than you think. It will be a great start to the Christmas season!

   

Pink for Breast Cancer Month

Breast cancer awareness

It’s October and breast-cancer awareness month. Medical insurance companies use this opportunity to market dread-disease cover, and breast-cancer support groups raise funds for well-meaning projects that support women and their families in the clutches of cancer treatment. Tree trunks are covered in pink material. Women wear pink ribbons.

But is this real or just a pretty cover-up for a life-changing diagnosis? Does it really give hope to women facing endless doctor’s visits, tests, mammograms and other invasive procedures where they find themselves standing naked underneath stiff cotton hospital gowns, barefoot and grinning bravely but secretly praying that it will soon all be over?

Can anything you read about breast or any other cancer prepare you for surgery – the bright lights, alien men and women all dressed in green, wearing masks and caps, discussing current events as though you’re already anaesthetised and unconscious? Hard, cold metal theatre-table, machines and trays of shining instruments like cutlery in a catering kitchen?

You wonder how you will survive the fog of pain that hurts everywhere, just everywhere, with the anaesthetist smacking your face – albeit gently – but smacking it all the same to wake you up. And then the long months of recovery, taking just one day at a time, trying not to think about the bills, the children, your job that you’re neglecting and people telling you not to worry!

And you ask yourself: when did this all begin? How could it have happened to me? When will this nightmare end?

Are we (the medical profession) telling women the truth about hormonal contraceptives and how they’re increasing breast cancer risks? Do we just go along with what the pharmaceutical companies are telling us about this wonder-drug that brought about women’s-lib in the 60’s? Men who wanted a convenient contraceptive with no-strings-attached to regular sex with women who are only fertile for a few short days in her cycle – while men are fertile 24/7?

Higher levels of oestrogen and progesterone stop ovulation, minimalize the endometrium (womb lining that will nourish a fertilised egg) and thicken the mucous inside the cervix (mouth of the womb). Together, these three put a stop to babies.

But wait. Oestrogen is carcinogenic. This means that it’s potentially cancer-causing. Why? Because it stimulates body cells to multiply a lot more quickly than they normally would. This only happens to oestrogen-receptor cells – found in the breasts. Too much oestrogen means a greater risk for a single breast cell to become cancerous. It usually takes about 10 years before the lump is about 1cm – or when a woman becomes aware of a lump.

And there’s more:

• Plastics mimic oestrogen
• Animals are fed hormones to make them grow faster or produce more milk
• Teenage girls are put onto contraceptives for their skin, or to prevent teenage pregnancy
• Older women are given hormones to side-step the symptoms of menopause
• Women are delaying or not getting pregnant or breastfeeding (these help to reduce breast-cancer risks)
• Overweight women store extra oestrogen in their fat cells
• Some hormonal contraceptives like the patch, injection and intra-uterine device last years, which means the body doesn’t get a break from synthetic hormones. This also increases her risk of infertility.

This October I’m telling women the truth!

For more information google Angela Lanfranchi, M.D. | New Feminism