We all shy away from going to a hospital

What happens to you in the hospital?

Picture this: a man lying in Intensive Care, in a private hospital. A severe diabetic, he has been swinging between hypo (too little) and hyper (too much) glycaemia (blood-sugar) since admission. He was having difficulty breathing and drifting in and out of consciousness and was diagnosed with pneumonia and diabetes complications. 

A few days later, his family was called at 2am – their father/grandfather had tachycardia (a very fast heartbeat) and couldn’t breathe. When the family rushed to his bedside, they noticed that the oxygen supply to his oxygen mask was switched off! Big surprise then that he couldn’t breathe. Surely, the first trouble-shooter the nursing staff should have done was to check his oxygen supply?

Intensive Care nursing means just that. Nurses should be assigned one (or two) patients at most. They need to check vital signs consistently while keeping an eye on drips and monitors. A patient should not have to reach the stage of agitation before a problem is spotted, and what a flummox that it was his family who spotted the problem.

It makes me wonder how dedicated nurses are to their calling? I understand that nursing is not for sissies, but it’s not just a ‘job’ either. Nursing is a calling. A vocation. Nurses share a special comrade.  I only realised this when I worked for corporate.

If there is one place we want to stay away from, it’s a hospital. But sometimes, it’s unavoidable – especially if you are going to have a baby. Here’s what you can do to help yourself:

• Don’t miss the ‘hospital tour’ and have your list of questions ready.
• Find out if it’s hospital policy to put baby skin-to-skin with you immediately after the birth – even if you had a c-section.
• Do they have a dedicated lactation consultant or midwife, to help with breastfeeding?
• Do babies stay with their mothers – during the night too?
• What do you need to bring?
• When should you go to the hospital?
• Do they let siblings see the new baby?
• What if your baby is jaundiced?
• Do take a look at the labour/delivery room, the operating theatre (even if you think you won’t need a c-section) and the Intensive Care Unit.
• Insist that your partner come with you. Very often this is when the reality of what’s about to happen hits him too.
• While you’re in the hospital, do as much as you can for yourself. Get up and ‘walk tall’ as soon as possible. Ask the midwives all the questions you want to know. Don’t hold back and think it’s a stupid question. Bath your baby. Nurse your baby as often as possible.
• Aim to stay in the hospital for as short as possible. You can relax and take it easy once you get home.

Some nurses have a good attitude, others don’t. Try not to get upset if they hurt your feelings because you will be very emotional and sensitive for the first few days after giving birth. You will appreciate home more than ever when you get back.

Photograph: Aloise Ireland

Skin-to-skin in the first 'magic hour' after birth

Then and now

After all these years, I am finally beginning to understand why it is that, despite absolutely loving midwifery, the year studying it was one of my worst ever. It was because everything that I was taught back then (it was the mid-‘70’s) made no sense to me. One example. Back then, as soon as the baby was born, it was wrapped in a blanket, quickly shown to mom (no dads allowed in the delivery room), shoved into an incubator and whipped off to the nursery. Here the baby joined rows of other newborn’s squawking their little lungs out, lying naked and abandoned in glass boxes, on a hard surface covered only with a white cloth. Back in the ward, mom lay alone, her empty belly still for the first time after nine months, wondering where her baby was, if s/he was OK, what did her baby look like, feel like, smell like? If she was lucky and her baby was born within the four-hour feeding schedule, her baby would be brought to her, swaddled into a tight cocoon, to be attached to her nipple to suction her – and dare she unwrap him there would be tut-tutting from the nurse with, ‘who does she think she is’? (which was the question I got when I unwrapped my first baby a few years later).

The baby lay ‘incubating’ until his/her body temperature was 36°C, and then was (believe it or not) given sterile water to drink! After this, if the baby had missed the four-hourly feeding schedule, s/he was given sterilised formula! My heart thumps furiously just remembering.  

It made no sense to me. Mother and baby separated, crying for each other, longing to reach out. That vital first ‘magic hour’ together, lost – forever.

Luckily, things have changed today. Skin-to-skin immediately after the birth – even when the baby is born by c-section, and premature babies once they are coping. It makes perfect sense when it comes to bonding, baby-warming and the first attempt at suckling – but it has taken nearly half a century to introduce the skin-to-skin practice in hospitals. Happily, with persistence from determined midwives, we can promote skin-to-skin and the first ‘magic hour’ after birth to all women today. Moms-in-waiting, learn everything you can about skin-to-skin, the first magic hour and kangaroo mother-care. Insist on it when you go into labour. It’s the best thing you can do for yourself and your baby.

Picking yourself up

Victoria Young, journalist and author of “Things I Wish I’d Known: Women Tell the Truth About Motherhood” confesses in her article “The Power of Yes” (Good Housekeeping, June 2019) that motherhood, exhaustion, routine and the responsibility of earning a living left her housebound and recluse. It was only when a friend pointed out that her spirit of adventure had seriously faded since the birth of her son, that she admitted she had become boring.

It’s not only motherhood that turns us into ‘I can’t’ women; overcommitment, burnout, work pressure, special-needs children, sick or dependent parents, illness, the loss of a life-long partner and retirement can do the same. When cabin fever sets in, people feel overwhelmed and the simplest tasks like shopping, visiting friends – even going to church – become ‘too much’ and it’s just easier to say ‘no’ to invites and opportunities. Friends, family, and community are sympathetic to a point – three months max. After that, it’s up to you. You can choose to either pick yourself up and start saying ‘yes’ to invitations, or pull up the bedcovers, close the curtains and go back to sleep!

Victoria’s advice on how to revive your ‘get up and go’ is to give yourself one simple goal every week. “Small achievements give you more confidence; once you achieve one thing, you will start setting set yourself bigger and bigger goals because you know that you can do them.”

Five ways to get out of the ‘no’ rut; Nina Grunfeld (founder of lifeclubs.co.uk)

• Don’t think too much. Overthinking an invite often makes you decide against going.
• Reignite old passions. Restart a hobby, get in touch with an old friend, go somewhere where you were happy.
• Create opportunities for change. Join a new group, sign up for a short course or volunteer.
• Face your fears. Aim to do something every day that slightly scares or challenges you.
• Make a wishlist. Write down the things you’ve always wanted to do but have never tried. Then work out how you can do them.

Illustration: Dreamstime.com